I just don't get it anymore. I keep trying to get my life on track but every time I try, I mess up. It always gets bad after I see a certain girl. I have been getting back with my friends a lot more, but this girl happens to be part of my main group of friends, so it is hard to avoid her. Every time we all get together, me and her always get stuck together and it feels like we've been getting really close lately. Problem is, she's gay. When we are together I gradually lose my ability to keep a conversation up with her without stopping myself from saying to her what is on my mind. Once I stop talking, she looks like she gets really bored with me and that image stays in my head pounding on me until I find a way to mess something else up to the point where I have forgotten about her boredom........What the hell is wrong with me? what should I do?