:sad: its become an addiction now I think i do it to attention seek, but not to anyone but myself, i know that doesnt really make sense, but sometimes i think i am doing it to convince myself of depression and how bad things are. When i very first did it last year it gave off an amazing release. Heat of the moment kind of thing. I dont seem to get that anymore. I find myself wanting to reach for the knife 3 or 4 times a day. I have made a mess of my arm but the parts that are recovering i want to do over again, i want to see blood and marks of pain :blink: what is going on?