Alot of the sadness i feel is due to the way society and people work and the suffering and oppression that they bring on themselves and others. I have nothing but pure hatred for people in positions of authority and a similar level of contempt for members of the public who support them and welcome all of their vile practices and actions. Despite people bringing this on themselves i still get upset when they suffer because of what they allowed authority to get away with. There's nothing i can do to change this as people simply don't think and don't care. I do however envy them because their tiny brains feel alot less strain than mine does, and this will be the reason i go to an early grave unless i can change. I don't want to join the ranks of societies braindead masses, i still want to be able to reason and rationalise the way i do now, but without the outcomes of my thought processes having a negative effect on me. I need to become desensitised to the things that upset and anger me as this is the only way i have a chance of dying naturally rather than by my own hand. At the moment the only way i can comfort myself is to think about suicide. When i start thinking about upsetting things i can change my thoughts to suicide and death and tell myself that none of this will matter when i'm dead, because when i'm dead my world and it's creatures that i hate so much will die aswell. I don't have full control over my mind though, and when my concentration lapses i go back to thinking about these upsetting things again. The only answer to this is to become heartless and to not care anymore, but i don't know how to go about this. I don't want to resort to being cruel or violent to make myself a colder person. What i need is a method i can use inside my head to take away the pain and frustration that my thoughts lead to. Can anyone help me learn not to care, and to not feel empathy towards others?