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Becoming Heartless

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Tomas, Apr 24, 2010.

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  1. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    Alot of the sadness i feel is due to the way society and people work and the suffering and oppression that they bring on themselves and others.

    I have nothing but pure hatred for people in positions of authority and a similar level of contempt for members of the public who support them and welcome all of their vile practices and actions. Despite people bringing this on themselves i still get upset when they suffer because of what they allowed authority to get away with. There's nothing i can do to change this as people simply don't think and don't care. I do however envy them because their tiny brains feel alot less strain than mine does, and this will be the reason i go to an early grave unless i can change.

    I don't want to join the ranks of societies braindead masses, i still want to be able to reason and rationalise the way i do now, but without the outcomes of my thought processes having a negative effect on me. I need to become desensitised to the things that upset and anger me as this is the only way i have a chance of dying naturally rather than by my own hand.

    At the moment the only way i can comfort myself is to think about suicide. When i start thinking about upsetting things i can change my thoughts to suicide and death and tell myself that none of this will matter when i'm dead, because when i'm dead my world and it's creatures that i hate so much will die aswell. I don't have full control over my mind though, and when my concentration lapses i go back to thinking about these upsetting things again.

    The only answer to this is to become heartless and to not care anymore, but i don't know how to go about this. I don't want to resort to being cruel or violent to make myself a colder person. What i need is a method i can use inside my head to take away the pain and frustration that my thoughts lead to.

    Can anyone help me learn not to care, and to not feel empathy towards others?
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    What you feel is a gift. I understand your frustrations, but use it well, rather than shutting yourself off and numbing. I attempted to do that in a past relationship, and what happened was, I starved myself physically and emotionally. When I started being alive again and getting my voice back, I lived and suicide was something to be fought against, rather than 'lying back down and dying'. So many people do that anyway, it's easier to do that than talk.

    If there are things you feel strongly against, why not form your voice- why not find people who feel similar to you and do something with that energy and let yourself be heard? Because it's powerful, beautiful and so many have made art and done things with what they feel. Not only that, you might find your urge to kill yourself lessen when you channel/place your frustrations on the right place and people.
  3. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    That's not something that can be taught. You're basically asking how to be a sociopath in a way. Albeit a non-violent one.
  4. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    I'm not a very good speaker, and as far as i'm concerned the only way to deal with the authorities is with violence, absolutely sickening acts of violence. Sadly the only method(violence) that would work is counter productive as most people have been conditoned to think that fighting and killing others is totally wrong. This is why there is nothing i can do about it, and in this world this 'gift' is useless.

    This thread isn't so much to discuss how i feel, but how i can learn not feel.

    I probably could be classed as a sociopath. If so then surely i'm on the right track to what i need.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean but there are ways of action and expression which would mean channelling that violence in a way which makes some people, actually sit back and at least listen for a while.

    I share your feelings but you don't have to be a good speaker. I'm sure you have a lot to offer people who see your strengths and what you offer- which is passion and righteous anger, and that can mean more than any pretty speech that says nothing.

    Once you have an outlet you might find the upsetting feelings are less of a burden to you.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    No sociopaths wouldn't care less about what you're talking about and would want to manipulate and play games with people.
  7. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    Some people, yes. Everybody else, no. All they'd see and all they do see when people fight the good fight, are mindless thugs and hippies. Believe me i've thought about the outcome, so i know it's not worth trying.

    Then that's what i want to be.
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Okay, but I've met people many see as heavenly, working for some kinda small-scale community change or using their energy well. They might be seen as pests and troublemakers tho!, but I'm used to being seen this way, myself.

    I understand sociopathy as a personality disorder combined with and/or extreme dissociation. Which means, it's linked to childhood/parenting and maladaptive ways to form relationships rather than something you train yourself as being. :smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2010
  9. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    I doesn't sound too far from how i feel. The dissociation aspect sounds like something that can be worked on.

    I wonder if something like CBT would help.
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could try it, if you want to deal with surface feelings but for other things related to "whys" -it can be unhelpful.

    By the way loads of people dissociate and they don't behave like sociopaths. Sociopaths have the emotional depth of a wafer, and lack empathy. You could tell them over and over what they were doing, and nothing would sink in, or their empathy would be very false and a show. They couldn't give a fuck about suffering and people being heartless, and if they do, they'll make a lot of show that they are, when they aren't.
  11. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    That really appeals to me, i'm sorry to say.
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I've heard that before, by people who are in a lot of pain and just want to numb themselves.

    But do you see that many sociopaths are in positions that you describe here- then again, (and not all people who hold positions of authority behave despicably and possibly be sociopaths, some can get away with a hell of a lot - like manipulate , cause damage, cover their backs, feel very little,):

    and what you're describing is pure helplessness, and you just want to be apathetic, rather than a sociopath?
  13. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    I'm just looking to rid myself of empathy. Whatever that turns me into doesn't really bother me. Even if i become what i currently hate i at least won't feel any pain anymore.

    I can live with my own problems, but not other peoples'.
  14. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Have you tried meditation? Or ways to protect yourself from other's pain? Maybe you just need a rest and time for yourself. I feel the same way a lot. I don't watch TV or read the news cos it upsets me way too much.

    Empathy can be a curse, as you've experienced, when it's too much. But so many people have very little of it, that's why I call it a gift; something to be understood, and worked with so it doesn't tire you, overwhelm you, and you know how to protect yourself from other's suffering.
  15. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    I've not tried anything else and i've no intention of doing so.
  16. magna

    magna Guest

    True sociopaths are rare. You'll never permanently destroy your capacity for emotion unless you're willing to risk brain damage and the unwanted detriments that may result from that. It's possible to draw positive energy from negative emotional states; this skill is neither quickly developed nor effectively taught, but you can certainly learn it on your own with enough patience and willpower.
  17. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    That's one thing i've been trying to do and with some degree of success. Trying to extract humour or entertainment from someone's unfortunate circumstances for example.

    Because that's not how i truely feel it doesn't last, and sooner or later i end up being saddened by it.
  18. Mango

    Mango Member

    Here's a question I find myself thinking when I read through this topic- "If one was raised in a totally different environment compared to the one they had experienced in their life, would they be a different person than they are now?"

    Let's say you're a bitter person. You hate everything, everyone. You feel nothing but anger toward life. However imagine if that person lived a great life. Lived a carefree childhood, had many friends and loved ones. Ended up lucky with life events, became famous, and married a loved one. Deep inside, would you then think that person will still be a bitter person, that hates everything, everyone? To me, I'd imagine that someone who lived a life like that would be far from bitter.

    But what just happened here? You had a guy who hated everything in one scenario, but then you had the same guy with an opposite viewpoint in another scenario. What does that mean? It means people can change. It's all about the experience in your life that determines your perspective. You may find yourself in an uneasy situation right now, but realize that in another life, you could be perfectly competent with yourself. Nothing about you changed at all, realize that, and then get yourself out of that uneasy situation and get into something else that you might find yourself happy with.

    That wasn't directed toward you personally Tomas but you might benefit from reading it.

    It is hard to understand and give advice to someone without knowing who they are. A few paragraphs can tell the general story but there's much more in depth to that, especially in a philosophical view. Why exactly do you feel this way? You mentioned details in your post but try to think of it in a much deeper level.

    If you had the option to have no worries and anger toward anything, but at the consequence of blending into the society, would you accept it?

    What exactly are you feeling that's wanting to kill yourself? What emotions are making you not want to care or feel empathy toward others? Can you control these emotions if you wanted to? Would you want to? If not, why not?

    My experiences have personally taught me that by understanding others, you'd be able to understand everything around you more. Acceptance is a good word for it. You may hate someone, but if you understand why they're acting the way they are, you don't mind. You kind of feel for them as if you were them, and any excuse for their behavior is OK, because that's their perspective. Granted, you have to think things in a real world sense and if you hate someone, you hate them; but when it all comes down to it, he's just another person.
  19. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Emotion has little to do with being a sociopath, it's empathy. I'd disagree with your essentialised 'true sociopath.' There are degrees of somebody's lack of feeling for others, not only that, the lack of understanding how another might feel; not only that- the game playing and objectification that goes with it. Some might say, culturally, all this is encouraged so much it's become normal.
  20. magna

    magna Guest

    Perhaps it's the norm in your social groups, but not mine. I wouldn't associate with anyone who tolerates that behavior.
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