becoming old and alone

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Griffin

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#21
Hi GA_lost

I am chronically sick, feel ill all the time, have severe sleep disorders which are a nightmare, have had cancer and one recurrance so far. I hardly get out and am alone virtually all the time. My adult children are too busy to ever come and see me. I see one grandchild very occasionally, the other once a year if I am lucky. My friends used to visit but that's dwindled to almost never now as it has gone on so long. My family never bothered to visit even when I was in treatment for cancer. When I do anything, I get even sicker. I also have depression and the meds aren't working very well.

I learnt to live one day at a time when I was on treatment for cancer, but it gets harder the longer this chronic illness and almost total isolation go on. Recently I have started waking in a panic that I am still alive. Nothing I can do to stop that as it is involuntary, ie. as I surface from sleep.

What is scary is that my life could be like this, or worse, for another 20 maybe even 30 years. My life as I see it is no different to a 90 year old in bad health with friends mostly dead and no family , but I am not yet that old so I will have it longer than they do and the fact that my family just ignore me is so awful.

For the first few years of it all I felt "oh well, I am getting good practice in at being good at old age" but I feel I've learnt all I need to learn about it now. But there's no escape.

So I was interested to see your post as sometimes I think like you were saying in your post.

But I know everyone's advice to live for the moment is good advice.
 
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