Been a long time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Yati, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Since I last posted I have been doing contract work for a company for a year now. I am mainly a db admin but there are a lot of side projects I have to do outside my IT background.

    I am feeling a bit out of my element as of late. Just everything falls on my department when sometging goes wrong and I basically have to hold hands. I feel like to much is expected of me to get done with out doong over time. I feel insulted daily on the misuse of my departments time. I don't want to sound egotistical but when they have us doing things out of our element it is beneath us. Meaning rather it is something anyone can do and for what I am paid it is a waste of resources. But I am always behind in my actual work because I don't have the tims doing other people's jobs.

    I am just depressed, angry, frustrated, and fed up. I sit around thinking about blowing my brains out half the day because of these feelings.

    I know I can't do that because as of now I have 2 kids in my care since the last time I posted. I just can't stop my thoughts at work though.
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey Yati, good to meet ya. I have not been here that long, but long enough to know how it all works here.

    Employers in the UK often want staff who are very flexible in how they approach their working lives. The demands placed on the employee are often unreasonable, but jobs are scarce, so a lot of people put up with it. But like you, they dislike their jobs and are stressed to hell over them.

    I kinda see both sides of the issues though, being a jack of all trades and master of none. I am well qualified in my field, but I was never averse to going where I was needed, even though doing my usual job would often make my company more money. But its the needs of the many over the needs of the few. The good of the company comes first. I would always prefer to do other tasks and the company keeps going and paying everyone, rather than do my own job and see other people lose theirs. I dont know what you do exactly, but, pushing yourself to do other tasks when needed is probably meaning that other people keep their jobs. Thats just a slightly different perspective and even if its incorrect, it has some value in making you feel a little better.

    I have never had the emotional attachment to a job that many people seem to have. I dont crave recognition or appreciation. I dont honestly believe any task is below me. There are tasks I do not enjoy performing, but they are few. I do a job to the best of my ability, collect my wages and go home. That job, not matter how menial, helps me to get a few of the things I want out of life.

    I understand your frustrations, but I do feel you are just over thinking and over reacting to what is obviously not a easy situation. If its really causing you to feel suicidal, then maybe a change of job is what is really needed, because if the situation shows no sign of change, how it affects you will not change either. Something has to give.
  3. Davec27

    Davec27 Member

    You can live with these feelings for a long time, but unless you do something about the cause, other things in your life are likely to deteriorate. Certainly it sounds like you should be looking for another job. Surely that's not something to be suicidal about as there is hope.
    If only my situation were that simple.
  4. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    I am actual in the US in a place were It jobs are scarce unable move because of obligations. I am looking for a new job now.

    The fact is that it is not the better meant of the company. It is because of lazyness in other departments. If other departments fall through such as getting requirements from clients we have to pick up and do double time, I have to deal with people arguing all the time on how things function becausr they are just in the mood to argue, people just saying it is not their job and us having to pock up (not filling out requirements sheets, departments for writing letters to be in automated just not writing the letters and having us write them, qa departments refusing to do testing, I can go on).