Been a while now...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Screaminginsilence, Aug 1, 2009.

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  1. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    Since i last posted.

    Lifes been up then down, up then down. Right now its down.

    Medicated for a long time, then came off, then i was fine, now im not.

    Weight gain, personal relationships down the pan. Dysfunctional family, who i hate.

    Gone passed caring to be honest. Im not a teenager anymore craving attention, im a 23 year old woman with responcibilities....

    who simply cannot be bothered to fight for her surivial everyday. To fight for herself and her friends and to fight for the love from the other. I do not want to have to fight for happiness after suffering so much sh*t the last few years.

    So, as soon as my affairs are in order, my life assurance, my mortgage, personal belongings are packed away, and everything is in order i'm simply going to vanish.

    I feel like i've been struggling for too long and quite frankly i would rather not exist than have to feel so up and down.

    This site has supported me alot the last few years, i have only every posted when i've been scraping the bottom of the barrell or right up high. Its strange i always come to this site as well when i hit rock bottom, to me its a secret outreach, somewhere i can vent to people who dont know me and arent going to have me sectioned or taken into hospital.

    Somewhere i can truely be free.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there ..
    like u said u have been a member here for 3 years .. but only posted 11 msgs ..
    im not judging .. i truly wish u feel better soon .. but could u not stick around and post for others as well as urself?
    iv found its made me feel alot better .. its v easy 2 take and not give anything back sometimes ..

    all the best ... x
  3. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    i agree with mandy.Sometimes ,when you are feeling better,it helps to support others too..share your story..your experiences..and in develop strength and gain more support too.
  4. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    I read quite abit of what others say but i always feel like if im at my lowest then i wont have anything positive to say to others really. I will try though :smile:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You say your not a teenager but 23 is very young still. You have so much time to get things under control. Therapy does help and if family driving you nuts say so long for awhile tellthem you are taking vacation or something. Is there anyway you could just take off for awhile on a short trip enjoy life. Have some fun with friends get you mind off of the negatives and make some positve adventures for yourself.. I hope you stick around here and talk more so we can help you more okay. nice to meet you
  6. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    I am young but i feel so old, mortgaged and stressed in a time in the UK where everyone is short for money and i have been made redundant twice in 6 months and getting a job/keeping up with everything is prooving to be a real struggle.

    I am seeing my girlfriends tomorrow so hopefully that will perk me up alot. Me and my boyfriend of nearly 6 years are pretty much over, and i would do anything in the world right now to hold us together but i just dunno anymore

    I had therapy when i was younger and i hated it, it was in school and everyone found out and i remember being humiliated by my tutor in school so i have a real fear/bad memories of it if im honest

    Nice to meet you 1 :)
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