Been a while ...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Speke, Apr 18, 2015.

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  1. Speke

    Speke Member

    since I've joined a forum-forum, last one didn't end so well but that's not important. Skip to the next bold to avoid ramblings.

    For all intents and purpose, I am Speke. Like many other people who've joined, I'm sure, I'm distancing my "real life" internet accounts from what I am using here somewhat. It's not that I couldn't deal with family & friends knowing the extent of my problems, just ... it's not something I want to deal with currently.

    I didn't bother reading any posts (and I can't get the chat to work), but there's this feeling like -- not to be insulting --- but there's this feeling that I'm not as bad off as others who may post here, which I genuinely cannot tell if I'm in denial or I've finally got a lock on my stuff. The past couple months were particularly rough and there's still a lot to go through for me, but I feel like things are getting better. I just don't want to sink to where I was just a couple weeks ago.

    I've never outright tried to kill myself, which makes me feel like perhaps this is ... I don't know. I think about it, daily, and some days constantly and with great intensity, but I've only ever self-harmed and engaged in reckless behavior & heavy drug use instead of making a coordinated attempt on my own life. I guess I was just so okay and used to the thoughts that dying seems/seemed an acceptable consequence of my actions.

    Socially, it's put me in a box. I haven't worked in over a year, and regularly converse with ~2 people (one online, one I live with - both of which I haven't talked to as much as I could have, if not outright avoiding them).

    I was recently hospitalized (twice, neither time I felt was necessary) for tendencies & a psych eval, but the hospital was arguably completely unqualified in handling things like that. However, I have a therapist now (first session Monday), and a referral to a psychiatrist that I'm waiting to hear back on.


    Is this like an interview? Do I talk about my strengths and weaknesses? I'm not sure what to do here.
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Welcome speke. From what I can tell, you're a perfect fit for SF. There. You're hired! You got the job!:highly_amused: Actually I have no hiring authority - I'm just a poor employee like you.

    There are people here in a wide range of recovery, ranging from those deeply suicidal and desperately reaching out to those who generally feel okay, with an occasional bad spell. Most people fall in between. It seems you're like me - you are in that mid range, since you say the last couple of months were especially rough, and that's still pretty recent. Also you're still having daily thoughts of suicide. Plus it's had an impact on your life - you haven't worked for a year and have limited social contact. But you're starting treatment and feeling better so definitely the direction is up.

    I hope we can help. People here are very supportive. And you talk about anything you want. You'll get a better idea by reading some of the posts.

    About chat - post a question in Troubleshooting. They get back to you very fast. I had a problem with chat, too.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi speke hope posting here help you to feel not so alone Many of us here fight the thoughts of leaving Try not to compare ok you are as important as anyone here hugs
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome aboard. We do not judge here. Just post what you are comfortable with.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2015
  6. Speke

    Speke Member

    No sense making a new thread. I won't be sticking around.

    Good luck to you all.
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