I've begun fixing up my life in some areas to try to be happy. I've started dating and I've been pretty successful, but other areas of my life have continued to decay. My grades are still horrible and I'm going to fail out of college. My family already said they'll basically disown me if that happens. Today I also screwed up my car pretty badly, but I think I can still use it until I get it fixed. I just hate having my parents spend more money and feel it'd be best for everyone if I was just gone. I haven't felt this way for a while and now It's really starting to set in again. I told my mom I'm ready to just give up again, she found a suicide note I'd tossed out about a month ago and finally believed I was as suicidal as I'd said I was. Nothing's changed since then with my home life. I just don't want to be a burden or be reminded of how much of a burden I am on everyone. I'm starting to give up again. If anything happens to me, my college loans will be voided and no one will have to support me.