So its been a while since I have been here. A lot has happened. Been back in hospital for a med change. Felt the highs and lows of coming off one type and changing to another. Its been long enough now to be in my system. Still... I feel terrible. Went back to the dr today. Chickened out in telling him that I think about suicide every single day. Not quite sure how to tell him that when he and everyone else keeps telling me... oh u look so good. If i hear that one more time I think I will scream. Look and feel are complete opposite ends! I tried to tell the doctor today about an out of control moment where i screamed and shouted abuse at my boyfriend and wanted to die, took too many tablets and ended up sick the next day... he played it down and said how did you feel? I said angry. He said well why don't you just say angry then. I wasn't just angry. I was crazy! I think I am crazy anyway! I should be locked up never to be seen or spoken to again. Don't deserve any better. I hate this life, I hate me. I hate everything!