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Been a while!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aussiegal, May 29, 2012.

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  1. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    So its been a while since I have been here. A lot has happened. Been back in hospital for a med change. Felt the highs and lows of coming off one type and changing to another. Its been long enough now to be in my system. Still... I feel terrible.

    Went back to the dr today. Chickened out in telling him that I think about suicide every single day. Not quite sure how to tell him that when he and everyone else keeps telling me... oh u look so good.

    If i hear that one more time I think I will scream. Look and feel are complete opposite ends! I tried to tell the doctor today about an out of control moment where i screamed and shouted abuse at my boyfriend and wanted to die, took too many tablets and ended up sick the next day... he played it down and said how did you feel? I said angry. He said well why don't you just say angry then. I wasn't just angry. I was crazy! I think I am crazy anyway! I should be locked up never to be seen or spoken to again. Don't deserve any better.

    I hate this life, I hate me. I hate everything!
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Glad to see you but sorry under these conditions...please tell the doc how you are doing as he can only treat the person he knows...and please continue posting and letting us know what is going on
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Long time and have missed you being around here.I get same prob from doc are ya seeing a councillor or therapist maybe talk to them and have them go doc with you what i did and then i got listened too.
  4. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Thanks... that is a good idea. I see my psychologist again before I go back to the psychiatrist so will definitely get her help. Even if she was to write a letter for me it would probably help. I found him an awesome psychiatrist whilst i was in hospital and even to get back in there a few weeks ago he was great. Told him that I wasn't coping and asked for help to go back in. He had me admitted in under ten mins.

    Now though I am finding him intimidating but not sure why.

    Thanks for the suggestions and for the welcome back. Nice to know there is a place I can come no matter how I feel. Hugs being sent ur way!!
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