Been a while

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Yati, Jul 21, 2012.

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  1. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    It's been a while since I've posted her... I thought I had my emotions under check, but events as of lately have me questioning myself. Recent mess ups at work, which I really don't want to get into for variety of reasons, one being to keep my company and its clients out of it. Nothing needs to be said more than I just messed up on something I find really bad, no one else seems to be on my case about it, but I just don't like it. Really it goes further just with a belief that I won't go any farther with my career with how I see things, I'm talented but I don't have people skills, I can't sell myself in interviews for positions higher up.

    It's more than work... I feel like I can't help my fiance get through Grad school... I'm not having money issues, but I would like to be farther in life... I just want wish I could make her life easier... I don't want it to sound completely about work... Everything I do, every slight mess up I make... It makes me feel like a failure, she deserves so much more than me.... I've broken 2 phones in the few weeks... that makes me feel like a failure.

    I just don't know what to do... I sat in my walk-in closet the other night with my sword to my stomach... The only thing keeping me alive is I don't want to see her sad... I can't tell her how I feel because I don't want to hurt her, or make her feel bad... To make the situation worse her sister is living with us for the next few weeks who I don't seem to get along with, I can't especially open up with her around because I just don't think she'll take it right... She'll probably want her sister to leave me is how I feel, so I feel alone and I really don't have anyone to talk to. So I am desperately reaching out and grasping at this point.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    That you are reaching out and grasping shows that you have inner strength you may not realize that you have. Your care and compassion for others is vividly apparent. The fact that things that are bothering you at work even though nobody else is bothered shows conscience and strength of character.

    Strength, Caring, Compassion, Conscience, and Character -- there are far too few people in this world that share these excellent traits and it would be sad indeed to have even one less.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Thank you for those words... I don't want to sound mean, but my future sister-in-law is gone, and I'm a bit at ease now... We've just been grinding at each others nerves and I don't know what to do about it... She doesn't like me because she thinks I try to make her look stupid... I don't have the intention to do this, I just tend to rant sometimes... Hmm... this might be confusing the way I'm wording it... I have 160 IQ, I tend to research everything and have facts, I constantly apply the scientific method to everything... I constantly have theories, and I do well experiments in what ever fancies my interest at that particular moment.
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is not mean to be glad that people with a negative effect on your life are less a part of it. Research and application of time proven decision making process is also a reasonable thing. Use your interests in things to your advantage during low periods as a valuable distraction from less positive ideas would be my advice. I wish you nothing but the best and hope things continue to improve your outlook.
     
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