been a year or more

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pokoooo, Dec 27, 2007.

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  1. pokoooo

    pokoooo Member

    So its been over a year since i posted my first thingy.

    things havent changed much gone more down then up im 17 faild my gcse's droped out of colege still living at home my mum tries to help but i turn her away and i dont know why all i seem to do is stay indoors mainly on the internet and if i do meet with friends i do is get so drunk i puke and pass out or smoke so much weed i fall alseep. when i was younger i thought i would grow up get a job get a wife and all would be fine and dandy and all seemed to be going well in till seconddry skool i used to run and do long jump play rugby for my county be doing well at skool but i just gave not sure why... i was never the loney weird kid i had loads of frinds and still do...but at 6ft 2 i was always the one taking the first punches in a fight i dont mind that but in a skoool of 3000 and being on the side of the " grebos and grungers" it was hard not to think jesus why do i get this (even though i love fighting and have given a few people a hell of a good kicking) god i have no clue when im going with this im just writing what comes out i guess i wana know why me why the fuck... god i duno now this makes me sound like sum jumped up nerd but im not im just a big shy guy thats anoyed with this god dam world...

    im mainly wondering if thers anyone in the same situation...or did and what they did or i know im gna end up geting realy drunk and doing sumthing i already tride to jump off a boat when off my nut but 2 mates pulled me back in i just know one day sumthing will happen but i dont wana leve my family and my friends i love them all and i dont wana hurt them....
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sorry things are so rough...maybe if you made one goal which would be something you are proud of...what ever it is, and accomplished it, that could start a chain of events toward some of the things you had hoped for...wishing you better times, J
  3. pokoooo

    pokoooo Member

    but what? anything i do is nothin to be prowd of and anything i would be prowd of im to shy to even try
  4. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    are you ashamed of being shy and think you should be something else? Or do you try and be something you're not and regret it afterwards?
  5. pokoooo

    pokoooo Member

    i be me. im shy with some people and not with others i dont know why i just feel i cant and i dont know why
  6. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    hmmmm. I'm not 100% sure from your first post but did it happen that all of a sudden you started feeling like shit? Anything happened before that? It's important to try get to the root of a problem but especially if you're young can be hard to work it out.
    It can be difficult to work yourself out, I agree. What are the kind of people you feel shy with, and who do you feel less shy with?
  7. oneandonlyangy

    oneandonlyangy New Member

    awww pokooo don't worry, i was on this forum about a year ago suffering with depression but now i am back on but with a different account but anyway, you should not feel bad hun, i am worse, i did not do my Gcse, because i felt that everyone at my school hated me and was against me so i left and after that i went along with things but got suicidal now and again, i am 19 now and i work in a store, i thought it was alright at first but right now is worse because i really want to die and for so many reasons, i think you are lucky compared to me:smile:
  8. pokoooo

    pokoooo Member

    im not sure but i havent seen by dad in over 2 years wich kinda makes me feel unwanted i shy when i meet people and im by myslef but if im with mates i can be chaty but its sort of im to shy/scared to go out and find a job i dont want to be stuck in this town and all i hear is iv got to get a job or go to college but those cant be the only answers??
    i hate college stuck feeling like im back in skool and that im just trying not to go under...but i think id rather go under and see where that takes me...
  9. Barbados

    Barbados Well-Known Member

    That's my life word for word aswell, you're not alone. Apart from I'm a year younger...
  10. pokoooo

    pokoooo Member

    this has been my life for 4-5 years now and im thinking it cant be right now...but i dnt know what to do...
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