been depressed for awhile and it seems suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fatloser, Feb 1, 2013.

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  1. fatloser

    fatloser Banned Member

    Is the answer to my problems. My wife decided she didn't want to be with me anymore after 10 years together, 5 of those years married, I was laid off from my job 6 months ago and in december 2011 was stopped driving from California to Oregon and had weed and cannabis edibles on me, cookies and brownies to be exact. So for that I was charged with unlawful delivery of a controlled substance, and now have a felony on my record, where if I had been stopped in California nothing would have happened. Nothing seems to ever go right for me, and when it does seem to be working, something has to happen that just kicks me in the face and let's me know just how much of a loser I am.

    What scares me is that the thought of dying actually seems to make me happy, like it's the way out of all my problems. I am just stuck right now and feel I have no where to turn. I might get unemployment for another 6 months if i'm lucky, then after that it's good luck looking for work with this bullshit charge on my record, that If I could afford a better lawyer I probably could have beat the charge, but didn't have 10 grand to throw down the drain. Im so depressed sometimes I don't even wanna get out of bed, and have gained a lot of weight because of this, which also has me depressed and sad a lot. I just wanted to vent a little, and see if anybody else is going through the same feelings I am. Thank you for reading and commenting
     
  2. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. You came to the right place,lots of us face adversities like yours,some even worse. I am not going to go on what happened to me ,but it was on a pretty epic scale .
    You have to find employment again and do something about that BS conviction,that would be absolute priority. I can totally relate to your reactions but you need to get active,as your adverse situations can be overcome,they are not final from what I can see. Another job is no impossibilty,meeting eventually a new partner neither,please do not give up.
    You are going through a really rough patch and everything seemed to happen at once ,and that is the true dilemma.But talk to us here,we are listening and we will understand you.
     
  3. Slange

    Slange Member

    Hi Fat loser. I know what you mean about dying and you'd be happy about that. Right now I wish a plane would crash into my house and so I would be free of this anxiety without the stigma of suicide. You do not sound like a loser at all. You sound like someone who is depressed for legitimate reasons. But you need to know that this will pass. Hang in there and it will get better. Your emotions, as unbearable as they are, will pass. Really. I know it does not feel like that now. Mine may not as the reason I'm here will not change. But your circumstances will. I am sorry your wife left you. Believe it or not you will be ok with this with time. I'm sure you shaking your head no. But you will. And don't worry about your weight. You can diet when you're feeling stronger.
     
  4. fatloser

    fatloser Banned Member

    I just feel like there's something out there that won't allow good things to happen for me. I was going to school and doing well then my wife decided she was done, so I had to get a fulltime job to pay for my own place rather then continue what I was doing, which was finishing school. She was a different person after this and a complete bitch to me and It killed me because she didn't seem to give a fuck what happened to me, I doubt I could ever be in another relationship again because i'm afraid of putting myself out there again, and I can't put up with the bullshit that is required for a relationship. Then i'm doing good at work, was there almost 3 years and bam, laid off along with 25 others, we had 50 employees total. I worked at a cannabis club in the bay area which the federal government went after and tried to close, which is why we were laid off, to save money. Then came the conviction, which finally came down on jan 16th, I had to meet with my PO on the 30th. I just never seem to catch a break and really can't talk to anybody because nobody gives a shit about my problems. Death just seems like it would be peaceful, quite, no worries, no real life bullshit problems that we don't create ourselves but instead our government creates these problems.
     
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