Been Fighting this for over a year now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Glaernisch, Jan 8, 2010.

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  1. Glaernisch

    Glaernisch Member

    This forum is pretty much my last ditch effort to keep going. For the past year I have been screwed out of two jobs by people I thought were my friends and have enormous pressure at home from the family. All I hear from everyone is "I want" or "I need". I have given my time, my effort and practically everything else and am just plain out of energy. I have thought about killing myself at least once a day for the past year. I am not kidding. I am wiped out and have nothing left. I don't want to do anything, talk to anyone, wake up, etc. I saw a therapist for a while and that did not work. My family is killing me with pressure and I get blasted with their needs constantly but I am out of steam.

    I have reached out to friends or people that I thought were friends and really have gotten nothing. Unreturned calls and emails as well as people staying away altogether. I guess I am supposed to be the one who is there for everybody but have to go it alone when I need something. I have no idea what makes me happy anymore or even what my needs are given that I have been taking care of everyone else.

    I cannot live a life like this and I have fought this feeling for so long now that it has nearly knocked me to the floor.

    I feel like a total failure and have nothing to show for my 40+ years of existence
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You don't have to go it alone. :hug: I'm glad you posted. Here, you can focus on your needs and what we can do to help you. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime.
  3. Glaernisch

    Glaernisch Member

    Thank you for your offer but I just got rejected by two more firms I was interviewing with and don't feel much like chatting. I am sending my wife and daughter on a plane back to the states shortly so that they can do better for themselves without me dragging them down. This has to end. This is not a life worth living.
  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF
    im sorry to here that.people here are so friendly & caring and not like other people.hope life be better soon.
    take care :hug:
  5. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I was in your position once. Always the nice guy getting stomped on. Some therapy and I learned to say no. I learned its ok to be the bad guy too.
    Keep posting. Its agood place to vent.
  6. So, what do you want to do now, Glaernisch?
  7. Glaernisch

    Glaernisch Member

    I am trying like crazy to find a job and stay positive but I am absolutely exhausted and the pressure continues to increase from the family. Every single day I think about ending it and it has been that way for longer than I care to acknowledge. It is just too painful to continue living a life like this - this is not a life.
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