Been here before and won. But here again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dj76, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. dj76

    dj76 Member

    I do not handle stress well. I tend to bottle it up. I have a high stress life. But today is the worst. So I find myself here again. I can't think straight only see one thing and that is why I'm here again. Don't like this place. It scared the heck out of me.
     
  2. dj76

    dj76 Member

    I've beaten these feelings by taking the choice out of my hands. But this time is very different. And that scares me. Don't want to live in pain and fear anymore.
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. What is stressing you out right now?
     
  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    If you dont handle stress well, then leading a high stress life needs to change do you not think? Or, you need to learn to manage stress better than you are doing at the moment. Does that sound logical? Google Stress Bucket for a read about stress, its causes and some of the things that you can do to help manage stress. We all have stress in or lives and we all deal with it in slightly different ways. It also affects us in different ways.

    So, if a change of lifestyle is not a option, you need to learn to manage stress and it is manageable as I have learnt. I have just done a short course on anxiety and stress management and I learnt a lot from it.
     
  5. dj76

    dj76 Member

    I feel like I've failed life. No matter how hard I try I know how my heart truly feels. I've been struggling all morning so I found this site. Sorry for rambling.
     
    OCDNihilism likes this.
  6. dj76

    dj76 Member

    I am a single father and I have a tumor of the brain. I can't really do much of anything anymore. And I love my daughter dearly. But my body is failing me. (That's the high stress part) a few years ago I had a very good job and now I am a fraction of the man I used to be. But today due to a clerical error they stopped my Disabilty. It can be fixed. But can take up to 3 months. I don't want my daughter homeless. I know it sound silly. I do suffer from severe depression but as of today I have no idea what to do. I am frozen and I only see one option. I'm tired of pain stress. I love my daughter and I feel bad I cannot be the father she deserves. And now I failed here here too. She has no idea what's going on
     
  7. dj76

    dj76 Member

    I feel like she would be better off without me.
     
  8. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Can and Up to, dont mean it will actually take that long, they are usually the extreme cases. So dont read too much into that right now. If you pay rent, contact your landlord immediately and explain what has happened and try to come to some agreement. They will owe you backpay from the day the error occurred. Is that a viable option?
     
  9. dj76

    dj76 Member

    Yes thank u
     
  10. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    It was not your choice to get a brain tumor.Is it going to kill you?
     
  11. dj76

    dj76 Member

    Yes. Eventually. My body is failing me pretty quickly. Docs say maybe a few years. Although I don't pay attention to that. It's always on the back of my mind. That was a big part of the reason I was in this place before.
     
  12. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I don't believe this at all. It is obvious you love her very much. I would have a hard time believing that you are not one hell of a father to her.
     
  13. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    dj76-your story gives me pause for many reasons-it's obvious to me (and probably the other participants) that you are down-playing your importance in your daughters life. She would be devastated if you were suddenly gone from her life. For what it's worth I believe that children understand the language of intention-whether you are housing them in a mansion or a homeless shelter. They need to know that they are loved and valued by you and all you want to do is keep them safe-when you honor their presence in that way while you're alive, they will carry that power of self-confidence with them long after you've gone.

    You are so hard on yourself-it's a bad habit that I hope you learn to kick. The way that things are going on planet earth these days-if you can't figure out how to love and make peace with yourself, chances are very good that no will love and make peace with you. It seems so crazy "out there" to me lately-like people are losing their ability to be compassionate and kind to others. All the more reason that we learn to be compassionate and kind to ourselves-the world outside can be a cruel and heartless place but when we are kind and compassionate to ourselves, the dark world outside doesn't hurt so much. I wish you love and kindness on your path going forward and the very best of luck in all that you pursue.
     
    Petal likes this.