Been here before, be here again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by canisarcticus, May 23, 2013.

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  1. canisarcticus

    canisarcticus New Member

    It must be easier for my neurons to go straight down the path of - let's die today - than to get it together and do something healthy. I am dealing with PTSD symptoms and feeling like I am about done with all of it. 13 years of wanting to die off and on is exhausting. Why can't today be different?
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for your long struggle and admire the strength that has got you this far. You hit it on the head- it is easier to let the thoughts run that way than risk trying something that does not work out. But there is no payoff or upside on the easy way either of letting the thoughts just continue on their own easy path.
    When things are bad, try not asking for a day to be different - an afternoon or an hour different is a start......

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. WednesdayA

    WednesdayA New Member

    I am sorry that you are going through this...it's really hard when you want so desperately to feel "ok" but your head is running around in whirlwinds making it almost impossible. I went through this a lot in my life and it does get better. It is easier to just want to be done with it all as you said or just give in because at some points it feels as though anything would be better than suffering and sometimes it's impossible to see life getting any better. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do something that is healthy, even when all you want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Force yourself to get out, even if it's just to take a walk. PTSD is a mofo, and it shows up in a ton if way and really affects aspects of your life that you wouldn't think. I found that going and helping people that were less fortunate than myself would help, sometimes seeing someone who appreciates you and is sincerely thankful for something you have done can really really brighten up your day. Remember, if you were to end your life you will never know the great possibilities that are ahead of you. You won't know the joy that you bring to other people and the joy that people can bring you. Some days are bad, that's life. Nothing is worth harming yourself over. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. :)
     
  4. canisarcticus

    canisarcticus New Member

    Thank you for your responses. I am feeling a bit better today. I have had to take steroids for a couple of weeks due to an unusual rash and I think it is rendering my usual medication regime useless. I have not felt this suicidal in many years and never on my meds. I have a plan, if I'm allowed to say that, and plenty of guns in my house, but the two things keeping me alive are my dog and concern that my therapist will feel guilt over my death. I guess the third thing would be hope that the steroids are the problem and I will feel better once they are out of my system. unfortunately, I still have five days of taking them. I will wait because I know I should and I know I can. Thanks for the support.
     
  5. Foreigner

    Foreigner New Member

    Steroids can definitely cause psychosis. Please be careful. If the thoughts get worse seek medical attention. Please be safe.
     
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