I feel weird finally writing something here on the board. I've been reading many of the posts for months now and I keep telling myself that is not me, I'm not really in that bad of shape. Truth is I am. I've been here before too. I've been to the Dr, the physiologist, the therapists, taken the different medications - yet I'm back in the same place of hopelessness and loneliness. I am trapped and I see no way out. My bottom line is that I simply hate my life. I am not happy and as I was told by my wife last night, nothing will ever make me happy. I guess she is right. I spent the night on the couch feeling all alone, wishing that my heart would just stop beating. I'm tired of waking up with a panic attack every morning. I'm tired of dreading each and every day. I've been thinking of when the best time is < mod edit texskitty: method) That way my kids will think it was an accident. Its the cowards way out, but there hasn't been more than a handful of days in the last year that I haven't thought about suicide. I have so many confusing thoughts in my mind right now. I just don't know who to turn to anymore. I've reached the end of my rope. I have no one to talk to.