A little bit about me...I'm 18 year old male who is lost in a world of confusion...I've been mentally depressed since 11 or 12. I have no ambition to do anything. I'm living at home with my parents...I feel like a nobody...and right now I don't even care...about the future.. But I'm sick of this life..of just withering away and having a 9-5 someday...I wish I would not even wake up all the time..I see no hope for myself.....I'm simply put a loser.....A degenerate...and bother..to all my friends and family.... I have no idea what I want to do with my life....I'm too lazy and sick to even get up before 10am most days because I'm not getting up to anything new...I feel stuck in the matrix...a hopeless vortex I will never get out of....I'm a lost cause.... My friends say they wish "I was normal"....I say I wish I was never born....there's nothing here on earth for me..and I feel like there nothing will be...no matter. How many girlfriends I have, memories I make, how much sex I have ect....It all feels like a delusional in a fairly tale novel.... I now stopped answering my friends calls and having the will to even hang out with anybody....about two months ago.....before that every weekend we went to frat parties and I had sex with wild women...but still always a introverted depressed person... the only thing that ceased my disease was alcohol..and I knew I couldn't depend on it any longer after depending on it for 2+ yrs... I've asked for "gods" help countless times when I was at the peak of my depression when I was 12-13...and gave up in him...and experimented with the darker side of religion...Nothing ever happened...but I told god to fuck off and make my life as miserable as possible along time ago.....I'm still skeptical about god...but could this be a sign that he fucked me up???If there is a such thing as a god...... Thanks guys....If I have this in the wrong section...a mod would be glad to move it somewhere else.. Peace out bye.