been making plans

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DragonSong, Feb 18, 2013.

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  1. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I started making plans today because all the self harming I've been doing is not helping me at all...I do not know what else to do..
    I feel the need to be dead more and more...I do not deserve help I do not deserve to be here at all...being alive causes more pain to
    the ones I love and I do not want to continue doing so...I have come to terms with the fact that I am a failure and will never succeed in life
    so to keep trying to seems pointless
     
  2. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    You do deserve help, I'm in the same boat as you man, my kids keep me alive, if you need and ear maybe we can help eachother
     
  3. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    Hi there, I'm all sleepy from my sleep meds, so I apologize if I don't make any sense.

    I feel just like you regularly. It's very frustrating. I'm always in and out of hospitals. Just got out again a couple of days ago. Before, I felt the worst I ever have. I was dead set on checking out. But because of my kids I decided to call my therapist instead. She sent me to the hospital, again, but what's different this time is that my therapist got me hooked up with an intensive outpatient program, something I've never tried before. So now there's a little bit of hope.

    All that negative stuff about being a failure and all, it's not true, it's just the beast putting thoughts in your head. Tell it to shut up! The beasts mission is to cause people to self destruct, to cause pain and anguish. That's what it thrives on. It will tell you whatever necessary to complete the mission. Tell it to shut up and leave you alone. Kick it out of your head! Don't let evil win, please!

    I really hope you'll reach out for help. I hope you'll be okay.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun make plans to call crisis line ok make plans to go to hospital ok sign in get some help I can tell you hun your family will not be better off without you here they won't hun sop please reach out ok
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Dragon, I believe most of us here has felt like this at one point or another but you're here and you're still reaching out.. just curious, what is your definition of succeeding in life?
     
  6. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I have been in many times and do not want to go in again...to succeed in life for me is to be in my own home ..to have the bills paid ...to have food in the house always...to be able to get the things needed for my family....to be at peace with myself over the loss of my daughter..to be able to get along with my family ..to have real friends...to be happy with myself in general..and not regret the mistakes I have made but to know they made me stronger....which right now I do not have any of thess things
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun whose to say you won't get the support the skills you once had hun to get these things I am sorry for the loss of your daughter hun but she too would want you to fight ok to not let go hugs
     
  8. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I talked to a crisis worker tonight and I feel worse...I just sat there spilling my guts about everything and it just made me feel horrible...they usually do make me feel better so I don't want anyone to think they do not help people cause they do...but I am just so overwhelmed with grief and anger ...and feel like I am in a deep dark cavern never to get out...lost for eternity...I just cant see my way out...
     
  9. ashamedguilt

    ashamedguilt Member

    Hey i know you feel terrible, i'm kinda in the same situation but you gotta think of the positive's in life not the negatives; there is always hope something will change in your life; such as finding something your good at or enjoy doing or finding someone who you love and loves you back - you just gotta keep trying not matter how hard you find your struggle for something will change eventually. In relation to you saying "I do not deserve help I do not deserve to be here at all" everyone deserves help no matter who they are or what they've done to deny them that is plain wrong. For one it is actually good you are posting on this forum for it shows that one you do want help and that you do want to to get better, which i hope you do and remember you may think your alone in your struggle but other people too are struggling and there are actually people out there who do what to help you in particular people on this forum.
     
  10. Sad Marine

    Sad Marine New Member

    I know what you mean, its from my experience that to feel better, you have to find it in yourself. No doctor or hospital ever helped me and ive been going there since I was five.
     
  11. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I am in a real bad spot right now...I have tried for days now to talk to the right people like people suggested but all they are doing is making the situation worse...they turn their backs on me and either hang up or just tell me to call back again if I need to..arrghh I spilled my guts to them and thats what they do?...they do not try to help me...I sooo want to end it now...and if the next person I talk to tells me the same thing I am done...that just proves I am not worth saving...even my doctor can not get me in any earlier than the 12...so that leaves me fending for myself as usual with out the help I need right now..screw it...I've had it....why try when trying only leads to more hurt and more anger..more disappointments...
     
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