Just to clarify, i have suicidal feelings but i don't suffer from them anymore. but i felt that this was the best section to post this I have a sickness that prevents me from picking up on social situations easily, it was an issue for me as i was growing up but now that i'm older not so much. My fondest memories where my last two years of primary school because in a way i think all kids are a bit stupid, that means i could blend in easier, during that time there was this girl i liked we got along pretty well, i kind of had a crush on her. when primary school was over we both went to different schools and i never saw her again, i wasn't able to keep up with everyone in highschool so i became an outcast and gradually stopped caring about anything, during that time i started thinking about how my life might have been better if i made the effort to keep her in my life, the more i thought about it the more it made sense for me to kill myself because i was convinced that i wouldn't be able to find someone the way that i was. And now here i am 13 years later, all this time i've spent thinking of this hopeless stuff and knowing that i can never tell her has made me pretty resilient, i think my sickness also gives me trouble thinking stuff up, i recently figured out why i can't kill myself, its not because i don't want to its because this iron skin of mine will just get in the way. I'm an independant thinker but it took me a long time to figure out what my problem was in detail, and or though its true i'm getting better at it all the time now i would have to think of a solution to my problem which might also take a while, i'm wasting my life. and so i'm hoping that someone can help me figure out once and for all if i'm going to kill myself or not.