I'm Nate, 35 single white male in Seattle. I have had suicidal thoughts and tendencies for years. I have had numerous attempts with drugs but nothing successful, obviously. I had always been more or less alone and never been able to understand how to form real relatioships with other people or really find much joy in anything. I had a panic attack a few months ago that resulted in some things happening for which I may have to go to prison for a year. This to me seems like no kind of life at all. I have for a very longtime known I would die from suicide, just a matter of how and when. It seems to me like my days are very numbered. I would rather die free than live in a cage. I am so tired of people telling me to just think positive and that things will be ok. After all, they do not really know that, do they?