I can’t think of a single reason to keep fighting. I've had some time to think about my life this weekend, and I can’t understand why I’m still here. I keep fighting those stupid voices and suicidal thoughts every day, but why? There’s no reason for me to live, not like this. I’m never going to get help, they’ll never let me. It started 6 years ago, and it’s only getting worse. I look at my friends, they’re growing up to be adults. I still feel like I’m 15, scared and lost. Where did those years go? I’ve asked 2 of my best friends to make me go to my new doctor, and they both agreed that they would do that. It’s been 10 days since I got my new doctor, but they don’t even mention it. I know that this is something I should do on my own, but I can’t do it. I’m not allowed to talk about it. Why can’t they make me tell them? They all know that I want to kill myself. I need to talk to them, but I hate to be the one to ruin the evening. I’d rather keep to myself and risk dying, than to ask for help. I’ve always hated to bother people with my problems, but I really need help this time. Can’t have more people see the monster that live inside me, because I’ve lost those of my friends who have seen me that way. But I have also lost friends because I’ve pushed them away. If I keep acting the way I am, I’ll loose all my friends. Guess that’s for the best. I thought that I didn’t want to die, but I’m not sure anymore. No one will notice that I’m gone, so I can’t understand why I feel so guilty. I’m tired of fighting, but I’d rather die than letting that monster take over my life. Guess I’m going to let them kill me this time.