I've been thinking lately about how I use sh for coping with situations that I can't handle. I know it isn't the best way to cope with things, but it's the only way I know how and I have tried to deal with it other ways before that didn't work [I tried them for weeks at a time]. The hallucinations are back, again. Not as sudden, if you understand that as the ones before. Still gets a reaction out of me though. It'll probably seem like a rash decision to everyone else but I've decided to not work on my sh anymore and work on my mindset instead. My mindset isn't going to get better even if I work on stopping my sh. I'm going to continue doing it when I need to, purely because I've come close to ending my life several times the past couple months and while I sh I don't feel that want spreading through me. It stops me from wanting to do it and tbh I'd take scars and secrecy over hurting my family like that any day. I guess.