been told to stop

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by justmeonlyme, Jan 18, 2010.

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  1. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    ok well i met this guy on ryl(another support site) and well we became friends and like idk we where talking earlyer and he just didnt get that you dont need a reason to be down.. idk i just couldnt explan it to him he just didnt get it. then he asked me when i last cut i told him last night and then asked me how deep and were and stuf and then he said that i had to promise him that i wouldnt cut for 2weeks and that id give my tools too my mum or he want talk to me ever again... idk what to do i cant make a prosmis i cant keep but i dont want to lose him as a friend... i just dont no what to do i no i cant make it 2 whole weeks and i cant give my tools to mum i even said i would throw them out and then we got in an argument... idk what to do hes a good mate but he just doesnt understand... any ideas on what to do would be gladly apreciated thanks
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    eh... he prolly just doesnt know how else to react. you know for yourself that harming yourself is, well, not the best of coping methods, but of course it's easier said than done to stop. you need to stop in your own time, and for you. stopping for someone else ain't gonna help any.

    i guess humour him if you want... it's up to you of course. if you went and cut anyways he won't know -- you said he was an online friend. some people just don't 'get' it, as you've said and when they don't, i've just discovered that i'm better off not broaching the topic with them at all. but that's just me.

  3. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    So he's kinda bullying you into stopping? I mean tough love in some cases is a very legit option, but how can he threaten you like that? Of course he's gonna worry, of course he isn't gonna exactly like the fact that you're doing what you are but it's not him in pain.

    I admit that cutting isn't a healthy coping method but you have to get well on your OWN time for your OWN reasons. If you don't my guess is you'll continue to do it and lie to him about it and then feel guilty and then you feel bad in the end anyways.

    It's nice to have someone who cares that much but he isn't the one who has to deal with your life or your pain. He doesn't know what it feels like to be in so much pain that you take it out on yourself. So until your ready and until he has even the slightest clue of how it feels I say you stop on your own terms.
  4. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    so i was talking to him today and i couldnt deal with it(was really strugling) so i was like 'i cant deal with this today' then changed my status to appear offline then about 5mins ago he sent me a message saying 'you arnt gana stop cutting are you' and i was like 'its not that easy ive been trying to stop for 2yrs you cant just expect me to never cut again' then hes like 'fine if your not going to stop im not going to be friends with you anymore and im not talking to you again bye' . idk what to do :( if im honest i liked this guy noy just as a friend but i like liked him :( now hes not going to talk to me coz of my stuped self harm ahhhhh why cant i just stop i hate this idk what to do... should i try convice him to keep talking to me (cant see that working very well) or just let hime go :( :cry:
  5. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    He's not worth it. He doesn't sound like he's worth it, to me, anyways. While he doesn't have to condone it -- he SHOULD be at least able to understand why you do it, and it seems to me that he cannot do even that.

    There are better guys out there. :hug:

  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    He thinks he is helping you he probably truly cares. Tell him all you can do is your best and that his support means alot but at the end of the day it will take time to develop new coping skills. Ask him to help you get new skills and not be so judgemental He doesn't know what to do or how to help you but i am sure he cares.
  7. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    well about 30mins ago he sent me a message saying hi i said hello then hes like are you alright i said yes and then he went one about me going ofline the other day... im like im sorry then he said i dont think we can talk anymore, ur not willing to help urself. i told him that i was trying my best and i was then told that if i was trying my best i wouldnt be doing this. then hes like i added you on msn coz i was looking for advice(when we started talking i was giving him advice about girls and stuff) now it seems to be me giving you the advice and then i was like ive never asked for your advice but you gave it to me anyway. then hes like you need the advice your the one who thinks cutting is ok. then im like i have NEVER ever said cutting is ok coz its not then hes like "then stopp doing it make better attempt to stop tell ur mum u use razors oh wait i forgot u cant cos ur afraid giving it up look i dunno what 2 say....... maybe ur beyond help(this hurt alot) jus gunna leave u 2 it cut away do wat u want" i said of coarse im afraid its the only thing that has ever helped its not as easy to stop as you think if it was i would have stoped already then he said fine im gana go and i was like fine you go i have other people to help me though this who dont act like total jerks and hes like im not a jerk im jus tired of caring for someone who doesnt wanna help themselves then i said have you every tryed to stop self harming no its not as easy as you think. i am trying! i am doing the best i am i have question would you rather i self harmed to cope or end up dead then he said obv i want u to stay alive i dunno ive kinda given up caring (oh boy another person who has given up on me oh yaye) i just tryed to act like it didnt bother me i was just like fine by me then hes just like fine and went ofline...

    i just dont no ae i just it hurts so much like it feels like ive always worred everyone is just going to up and leave now now its started, and im even more worred everyone else is going to leave...

    im sorry i have bothed you with this :(
  8. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    I used a similar tough love kinda tactic on a mate once, except slightly different (I said I'd start cutting again if he kept cutting). In my case, it worked, though he didn't like it at the time. I reckon give it some time, and just do your best, that's all anyone can ask of you.
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