I just got a new job after months of unemployment. You'd think I would be happy, but I'm still such a failure. I don't do anything right. I have no talents whatsoever. I am useless. I didn't go into work today, my second day (first if you don't count training). I didn't call in sick or anything. I didn't plan on being here by now. I keep getting really close to killing myself and then I just can't do it. I don't know why. I hate myself, I have no interest in my job except that it gets me money (a very small sum at that). I don't know why I am typing this and not just doing it. I'll never enjoy the world anyway because I am so pathetic. I don't live alone. Someone will be coming home soon and I will have to explain how horrible I am to them. Why am I so stupid? I ruin everything. I'm so selfish. I'm no good to anyone. I can't even kill myself properly.