Before suicide?

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by intrut, Aug 5, 2009.

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  1. intrut

    intrut New Member

    Hi all I'm new here,

    my close friend recently committed suicide and in my little quest for answers ill try to ask here. My question is the following: Are there any "typical behaviors" before the suicide, that can be said to indicate a suicide? (or just a normal day)

    I have tried to search a little, but couldn't find much on the topic.
    "before suicide" gives a lot of results.

    I'm asking because my friend did nothing out of the ordinary. I saw him about a week before the suicide and he smiled and didn't look anything out of the ordinary, some friends of mine was with him that same day and didn't notice anything either. He had an excuse to leave from everyone and then he didn't return that day....

    What strikes me as odd was that he had just finished repairs on a computer he was working on (a week before), bought a new game (a few days before) and was charging his cellphone at home (the same day). It was like he would return home like any other day. They even say that he planed it for a long time in advance (something to do with hard to get substances)... I'm so confused about this.

    Does anyone know if this is normal? Is everything normal until.. "bam" your friend isn't here anymore.. or he could have wanted to have an escape plan in case he changed his mind..

    I really feel like a failure for not noticing anything, but how can one if it can be like this...
  2. GabrielConroy

    GabrielConroy Well-Known Member

    some cases yes some cases no

    most of my friends would probably be as unawares before hand as you
  3. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    I really don't know what to say about that, and I truly am sorry for the loss of your friend.

    What I can say is that it is very easy now to "blend in" if you will. I didn't realize how natural it had become to me to put on a happy face and being a normal guy.

    As far as predicting behavior, I would suggest what they say, body language, and where their eyes fall in the room. I remember times where I would be in a room and just looking at a knife rack for a few moments, no one seemed to notice.

    I could be blowing it out of porportion, and I don't want to make you paranoid. I also agree with gabrielconroy, it is a good deal dependent on the individual.

    I dunno what else to say, but I hope it helps.
  4. Broken

    Broken Member

    Im sorry you lost your friend and looking at the previous post i thought id give an example from an "individual". what i can really say is something ive noticed about myself. When im feeling low and someone greets me with "hows it going" i pause, torn between generically answering and telling the truth. Something else i do is a mental twitch when my mind wanders towards suicide, i whistle tunelessly. But thats more of a.... i have no idea how to put it, an offshoot of a "thinking about thinking" thing where when you start thinking about something you dont want to think about you do a mental stop such as picturing a stop sign in you mind or clapping and saying stop. Given how its only recently that those close to me have become aware of my problem i can say that as hard as someone can try to notice it, i try harder to hide it. Because as much as I want help, i really dont want to open up and worry the people i care about.
  5. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    My girlfriend and family believed I was fine for years, they didnt notice or refused to mention it at times when I had bruises around my neck.
    Im willing to bet he showed signs you failed to notice and tried his best to keep his state of mind a secret at the same time for fear of rejection.
  6. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    Usually before people commit suicide they will appear fine and even better. Which is why it is crucial to get them help, when they start talking about it.
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I sometimes left hints I wanted to try, but more often I hid it extremely well... There might not be hints at all... But if they imply something is wrong jump on it.
  8. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Well said iKarma.

    Everything always appears fine on the outside...kinda like a bruised dont know its bruised till you look behind the exterior. People are like that too, you don't see the pain, hurt, damage or whatever, till you look behind the smiling face.

    Too once a person is in private, & they are hurting, they usual aren't the same person. I know I'm much more down, negative & isolated when I'm alone, but with friends I'm my bubbly, excited, energetic & outgoing self.
  9. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    You have my condolences my friend, as well as my welcome to the site.

    It's exceedingly difficult to detect the sign, as most who are genuinely suicide go at great lengths to hide it. It is even possible that like many suicides, his was unplanned on spontaneous. Often times people commit the act during a state of impaired judgment or emotionally induced impulse. There's just so much to it that makes it all difficult to know.

    But you do the best you can and try and keep up with your loved ones as much as possible. I know it's not much to go by, but that's all I got right now.
  10. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    It is also important to not blame yourself. I have researched suicide for 3 years. I have interviewed hundreds of suicidal patients. Even now it is hard to pick up on when they are going to do it.
  11. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Not everybody exhibits signs of suicidal ideation, but here are some typical warning signs:

    * Appearing depressed or sad most of the time.
    (Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)
    * Talking or writing about death or suicide.
    * Withdrawing from family and friends.
    * Feeling hopeless.
    * Feeling helpless.
    * Feeling strong anger or rage.
    * Feeling trapped -- like there is no way out of a situation.
    * Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
    * Abusing drugs or alcohol.
    * Exhibiting a change in personality.
    * Acting impulsively.
    * Losing interest in most activities.
    * Experiencing a change in sleeping habits.
    * Experiencing a change in eating habits.
    * Losing interest in most activities.
    * Performing poorly at work or in school.
    * Giving away prized possessions.
    * Writing a will.
    * Feeling excessive guilt or shame.
    * Acting recklessly.
  12. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    well before they can appear happy, but not in all cases.
    mostly you can't know, i myself can hide it really well.
    only if there are hints like giving things away, saying "whats the point" etc.....
    sorry if this isn't good enough... it's hard..
  13. intrut

    intrut New Member

    Thanks for all the reply's,

    I see that since everyone is different with different problems this question might be a little to general..

    Issaccs: It is clear to me that we failed at some point to notice, i can never remember seeing any outside signs of his problems.

    iKarma, aoeu: Unfortunately we didn't have a chance to talk about it, this appeared to be his first attempt. I would have welcomed a chance to help, even if i wouldn't know what to do other than talk about it.

    Zurkhardo: It could be that he got his equipment in advance and that day he decided to use it because he was down. Or he tried before but didn't go trough with it and didn't trow away the tools.

    junkie returns: I don't know what he's feelings was but he didn't fit any of the general signs you show. But ill remember them in case anyone else shows these signs.

    kaylasu: Thanks, for some reason it helps me hearing from all of you.

    I see that some of you might be thinking of suicide, do you keep your "tools" (if you need any) hidden away somewhere?
    I could only hope that you didn't keep them, so that each time you got that feeling you would have to prepare everything again and you get some time to think about it.

    Do those of you that consider suicide and hide it want to get discovered and "saved" (for lack of a better word)?

    I find myself correcting does <-> did, is <-> was,... all the time
  14. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Can I just ask if you are planning on using these answers for anything? These sound like some sort of research questions :unsure: Sorry if I seem suspicious but I've had people unknowingly record my answers & use it for research without my consent.
  15. intrut

    intrut New Member

    well, no project. Only my own research for myself, but i guess anyone who reads a thread could use it for his/her research, not serious research but still..

    I'm sorry for being to curious, ill stop now.
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