Behind the smile

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Vampiress892, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    So this year has been interesting. I join suicideforum, attempt three times start and stop cutting. ( I am 131 days cut free)
    I only see the school counsellor. I am 14. I have had police called on me, asked specifically to see a real counsellor. It wasn't until a friend of mine called he school that i started seeing the school counsellor. My dad said instead of seeing a counsellor he emailed me a 1-800number and gave me a website. Oh thanks. Glad to know you know me hat well. I hate talking o. Phones. I get nervous even when just talking to my grandma on the phone. Plus no one explained how that site works for me. It confused me. So I am on my own. Except for two really close friends who I tell everything. I love you guys. I feel suicidal. Not that anyone will take ne seriously. In grade six I told someone I was depressed. My teacher. He said I was "too happy to be depressed" he saw me get bullied, cry, hurt every day. Yet I was too happy to be depressed. Guess the scars on my arm prove him wrong.
    I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening guys. Peace
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a pretty full on couple of years you've had. You had the cops called on you? How did that situation come about/turn out? Just curious.

    Sucks that you're year 6 teacher didn't tell your parents that you weren't feeling so great at that point in time. Adults seem to think that kids are always fine and fucking dandy. As if, lol. I must say, "too happy to be depressed" is probly one of the most hilarious things I've ever heard that was told to someone who was the exact opposite. Closely followed by the stupid "Cheer up!" and "Try to be happy." shit that's handed around. People don't seem to start taking you serious until you get halfway-ish through your teens, depending on how far the parents have their heads shoved in the sand.

    Grats on your 131 day mark for not cutting! I can't remember when I last would have been a few months ago. I only have scars now, they aren't serious ones but no one sees my upper legs anyways. Plus I'll be getting scar treatment done to other areas of my body so I might get it done there too XD.

    What's your relationship with your parents like? I've never rang anyone before about my problems. I don't even answer the phone at home as it is. I don't think a counselor would help me, I honestly have no clue how just saying what's bothering me will fix it. In fact, it won't. I'd just say what's wrong but the problem's still there. Have you been to see a 'real' counselor yet?

    Hope things improve at least slightly for you :) :hug:.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    hey.. :hug: Im sorry :( I wish I was there for you more.. ugh.. Im sorry I lost contact with you.. I know it sounds stupid for me only to come back when ur in a bad spot.. but.. I guess theres no but.. Im sorry...
  4. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    Longroad, I was talking to someone I met on sf, they found my facebook page through my email and used my location/city thingy to call the police and locate me. Cause apparently cutting is an attempt at suicide. Now I am 133 days and counting. :p My relationship with my parents isn't that good. I'm supposed to be a happy student, that all kids in advanced are happy. Since they ignored my attempts for help, I'll let them believe that. It's just a need to know basis with them now. Closest to a 'real' counsellor is the RAP worker. (Restoritive Action Programer) Who helps me with my bullying problems. I have trouble dealing with stuff. :p Well, it's okay. My scars on my arms are pretty much invisible. I only cut my upper arms and upper legs, so it was easier to hide. Since it was summer when I started cutting. You can only see them when I am really cold cause i dunno why but they turn sorta a pinkish color, and when my skin is wet. Except they are either pinkish color or whiteish color. :p Hard to explain xD Mhm. Oh well. :3

    It's okay.
    I haven't been on sf, or msn much... I've pretty much isolated myself from everyone but my boyfriend, and two other friends i have here. People who annoy the hell out of my until I tell them truth of how I am feeling XD
    I will go on msn more. I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL THOUGH!!!!
    *hugs* Luv ya Swifty.

    Take care y'all.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey Julie. I'm a teacher too and it saddens me to hear that you're depressed and didn't get much help from your other teacher. Keep up the good work being cut free. I know that it can be hard to resist the temptation to cut, but you're doing great. Don't give up hon. :hug:
  6. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    Thanks Dave:) I will. There have been many close calls but I want to get to a thousand days now without cutting. I think I can do it. I hope you are doing well. :) Take care.
  7. Hello, can you PLEASE stop cutting yourself. Can you also don't hurt or harm yourself. I believe you and i am seriously wanting to help you.. Just ignore those farkshits who are insensitive and ignorant to your call for help.. Feel free to PM me or post back any of your problems and every samaritians on this forum will be very glad to help you. Just promise me that you won't hurt and harm yourself anymore.. Thank you for your cooperation!
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