Being a good person versus being a good friend?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Avarice, Feb 15, 2011.

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  1. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    What do you think is more important, being a good person, or being a good friend? Is it better to do good in the world and treat people well or to be loyal and keep the confidence of your friend(s), even if they're in the wrong and people get hurt?

    It's not a situation that I'm in, but a situation that somebody I knew was in. They knew their friend was doing wrong, and hurting a lot of people in the process, but instead of doing something about it.. talking sense into their friend, or telling the hurt people the truth, they ignored everything before going on to lie to the hurt people for their friend, which in turn prolonged the hurt to the people involved. It sounds screwy and confusing, but just to put some persepective on the question I'm asking, that's the kinda conflict I'm talking about.

    So really, what's better? Cause for me it's better to be a good person; if someone is being hurt by a friend of mine, I'd want it to stop, especially if the person didn't deserve the pain.. but what about being a good friend? I don't know anymore..
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I think a good friend will always be willing to tell their friends if they are messing things up a bit.
    That does not mean getting cross or walking away if said friend does not agree.
    Being a good person means just that, trying to be good to yourself and others.
    Dunno, if im just mad as a box of biscuits, but thats what i think.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    The situation you propose has come up many times in my life regarding family and friends. If they were wrong, I told them so and did what I could to prevent them from hurting others. Similarly, I have been told by my friends when I was in the wrong in the scenario you mention.

    Friendship is very important, but sometimes it can only go so far!
  4. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    I agree with the other responses too, it's better to be a good person. Is a friendship really good or strong if you can't tell each other the truth about things, such as the hurting of other people?:mhmm: Think you know the right answer to your question, seems as though at the end you came up with some good thoughts on the matter.:smile:
  5. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Neither, they do not exclude each other

    You can be a good friend yet not lie for your friend. Simply refuse to be a part in your friends lie.

    Telling the others what your friend is doing is probably not going to be rewarded either. You will loose your friend and the others will not thank you for warning them as they will feel that your not trustworthy. In the future they may forgive your friend but you will will be put aside by all of them.

    You will loose a friend and you will loose respect from the other people in one go.
  6. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Oh, that's a tough one. I do not have many friends at all, but the few I have I care a great deal about. However, if one of them was doing something that threatened or harmed another friend in any way, I think that I would have to say something. My conscience won't let me sit back and see someone in pain and not do anything. I firmly believe that it is more important to be true to my principles. Just my take on the situation.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I think it's most important to be a good person. If you do that, then you end up being a good friend in the long run, even if your friend may not see it at the time. You may not be able to prevent their actions, but you have the right to let them know how you feel and try to keep others from getting hurt.
  8. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    What if one of the people your friend is hurting is another one of your friends? Would you tell the second friend, or remain loyal to the first, even if just by keeping your mouth shut and not lying for them?

    For me I know I'd rather be a good person, but I believe that's because of my strict moral code and lack of compassion for people who do wrong; but I look at the things that got said and done in the situation I mentioned in my opening post and wonder if I'm just too serious and a bit of a weirdo for not putting friends first.

    Thanks for the responses so far though, it's good to hear what other people think! I'm glad I'm not the only one who'd put being a good person first.
  9. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Do as you wish but I have seen many cases where you warn people about some mutual friend not being a very nice person and it backfires on you. What happens is that the other people, in time, make up and forgive each other and you are excluded by both for not being trustworthy or for having meddled in their problem. Life experience tells me this.

    If its something very serious or illegal then of course warn your other friend but if its not just make sure you dont take part in the deception. May I also say that if you have a friend thats such a bad person then you should probably not be her friend.

    I am sure you will take someone elses advice but I would bet anything you like that you will end up being the victim.
  10. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    It's not a situation that I am in myself, I was asking purely for what people thought on the matter. The situation I described is something that happened almost three years ago now and in that particular situation - yes, I was the victim, in that I was one of the people that the person was hurting, and their friend was the person supporting them and lying to the 'victims' (one being another of their friends), prolonging the pain.

    As said, I was asking purely for perspective, I am in so such situation myself right now. It just got me thinking. =]
  11. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    In my mind, they aren't mutually exclusive. However, if I had to answer the question in that way, I would say that it is more important to be a good person. I've found that other people come and go, but I am forever.
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