Being a guy who's never had a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by i need relief, Jun 23, 2007.

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  1. Can anyone here relate?

    I am in my mid 20's and I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even had a kiss. All of this is a huge reason why I feel the way I do. It feels awful knowing that no one has ever really been romantically interested in you. Not to mention the whole sexual frustration thing. I feel like I'm a good person and have a decent personality, but I'm just physically unattractive, have no self esteem, and have no social skills. Pretty much a death sentence.

    I have honestly almost gotten to the point where I put women on some kind of pedestal. Like they're some kind of sacred thing that I'm not allowed to have anything to do with. Yes, I know women are people, not objects, but I hope what I'm saying makes sense. Like something I want to be involved with so badly, yet am not allowed to touch.

    I've become a sad and pathetic man. Even the thought of kissing and embracing a woman fills me with both sadness and joy. Sadness because I know I'll maybe never experience it, and joy because I know something simple as that would do so much for me. A lot of people take this kind of thing for granted.

    I know it's not good to depend on someone else for happiness, but come on. The lack of physical intimacy is killing me inside.
  2. Bud Leaf

    Bud Leaf Member

    This is advice that you cannot call a perfect solution, the answer, or even the best way about this situation but this is what I have learned to do. Liv every day with people as if it were your last day on earth, don't be afraid about what a woman has to say about you, you welcome their positives or negatives as a guide for the girl you really should be with, and when you find her, do all that you can, let her know exactly how you feel regardless of what her answer might be, remember, if this was your last day on earth you would try anything for her, do anything for her, let them know just how hard you can try to be with her. forget the 3rd person perspective when your with her, because theres only one view you need to be seeing her from and thats straigh from the heart, no matter how unatractive you feel you are, theres nothing more powerfull then a large heart and showing them that you can use it. I have friends who arnt very good looking at all, but their girlfriend is super sexy, for the simple fact that she feels the way she does around him.
    You cant go abouts living your life thinking every girl is a shallow skin deep girl, and you dont need a super model girlfriend anyways trust me. Just be who ya are, If a girl cant see who you are, they dont deserve you anyways remember that. I want you to goto YouTube and search Andy Mckee and listen to his music, such as Rylynn, these songs are extremley powerfull and there is no lyrics, but it will boost your self esteem even when you are not listening to it and its a faint sound in the back of your head, you can use this to bring your spirits up at any time, the next girl you meet and start to fall for, tell her to come visit your house today and show her Andy Mckee's song Rylynn and tell her all you can think about is her when you play this song, but say it quietly, while your eyes are glued to Andy's guitar. if this sounds like it wont help at all, please message me with any questions, I would love to help you here man, and wont stop untill you have a girlfriend if your willing to try, Im always around, message me, and good luck bro.
  3. Katerinna

    Katerinna Active Member

    Hopefully as a girl I can offer a few tips. Being a shy geekish girl, I never dated all throughout high school and even into college. I gave internet dating a try and I met some wonderful people. Don't view "just friends" as a punishment because that said girl could have friends. Being passoionate about someething like a hobby definately makes one more attractive in another's eyes. When someone talks about something they love then it just gives them this warm glow that people are drawn to. Take care of yourself and others would realize how wonderful you are. To say 'love yourself' would be very cliche. Just do the things that you enjoy and try to find ways that you can do those things with other people (ie clubs, evening classes).
  4. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I can relate to everything you've said SO much.

    Its word for word how I feel.

    Sure this isnt Kelly in disguise :unsure: :tongue:. Ive heard this advice so many times, and your completely right....I just wish it was as simple as do A, and B, and youll find the girl of your dreams. When youve reached this point in your life...its hard enough just waking up, breathing and eating, you feel so totally hopeless, useless and pathetic.
  5. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    I can relate entirely to how you feel.

    I'm nineteen, fast approaching twenty, and I haven't had a 'first kiss' or even managed to get a peck on the cheeks unless alcohol was involved. I hate the fact that I'm single and that everyone else around me is happy and in love. I'm going to die alone, too, so theoretically speaking you're not alone.
  6. malift

    malift Member

    I'm 23 and a girl has never been interested in me that I know of. It hurts, anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.
  7. paranoia13

    paranoia13 Member

    Same for me, but I don't even have normal friends so....:sad:
  8. Chemical Chaos

    Chemical Chaos Active Member

    hi, friend.

    it is always a crazy feeling when you want to be with someone. it's even worse if that someone is anyone! hehe
    i didn't really have anyone serious until i was 16 and a half...(four years ago) and i always had this image of one person...i'd never met her, she excisted only in my thoughts. it's crazy because....i never saw myself with loads of different girls...i just thought "there is only one person out there for me, she is waiting, and i just have to find her."
    i never thought she'd come, maybe she would stay hidden from me was quite lonely really...but i always thought she was there.

    i thought she came in the form of my first serious girlfriend. i was 16, she was 15, and i truly thought she was the love of my life...nine months on and i was almost admitted into the crazy ward at the hospital...she truly did leave me screwed over. and i was left thinking "maybe relationships arnt the only thing to live for..."

    so you see, you can have all the love in the world from a girl...but you've got to have love for YOURSELF and other things...because girls can come and go...anyone can come and go...

    try and focus on other things...i mean, maybe i can help? what are your other interests?
  9. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I am 20 and in the same position as you. I also don't have a social life or friends either though. At least your not alone eh? :unsure:
  10. winston

    winston Well-Known Member

    Forget about suicide, and listen to the smiths.
  11. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    I actually find it easier not to have a bf. I had one he hurt me big time. I wish I had never loved him or knew him. Love is not as great as it may seem.
  12. themuffinman

    themuffinman Member

    To all of you that can relate to this this thread:

    First: you dont have to be with anyone. Its a choice. People just make it out to be that way.

    Second: If you want to get with a girl or guy then you have to "play the game" persay. You cant just be around some one and then ask them out and expect a "yes". You have to get to know that person and vise versa. You have to go out of your way to talk to them, be nice to them and let them know you are a good person.
  13. You can't really know what its like. I can understand that a bad relationship might make you feel sour, but I think it's a lot worse to NEVER have experienced it at all.

    The whole idea of being alone and unloved sucks, but it goes deep beyond that.

    Having never felt love or closeness with another person leaves you truly empty inside. I feel unlovable, unwantable, truly alone in the world. Even knowing that a woman could possibly find me good enough to be in a relationship with would lift a huge weight from my shoulders. Makes me feel like there is just something completely screwed up that makes me unwanted by anyone else. It's a profound feeling of absolute loneliness, and it's killing me.

    I guess this probably sounds quite pathetic, but the idea of sharing some kind of romantic intimacy with a woman feels like I would be reaching heaven. It's very weird to explain, I can't even fathom what it would feel like, it's like I would be reaching some kind of ultimate pleasure. I literally feel like I would pass out from the joy of just laying in bed holding a girlfriend. A connection like that would ease my soul so much. I'm probably screwing myself up badly by building it up this much in my mind, but I can't help that. See how fucked up I am?

    I've actually fallen asleep holding onto my pillow imagining it was another person.
  14. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    tmm,I think that's like marriage many people think they have to get married in life like they have to go through that formula and if they aren't by a certain age thing's are not right.
  15. nrvsreck

    nrvsreck Well-Known Member

    I understand completely. I'm 30 and am in the same boat. Never a girlfriend, never had sex, not even a peck on the cheek. It is one thing to have loved and lost, and be sour about it, but I haven't even experienced that. After all these years I've gotten to where I think about nothing else, and nothing else matters. I no longer care about anything. I have no interests. What's the point of an interest if there's no one to share it with? At the same time I think if I did fall in love and she betrayed me (seems pretty common these days) I'd have no choice but to kill myself as I couldn't handle the pain. With no friends, no hobbies, and almost no family left I don't have any real support. I feel for ya bud. I really do. And no, I don't have any advice. Just suck it up or die. :dry:
  16. pillowperson27

    pillowperson27 Active Member

    And if you did get a girlfriend... there is a chance you or her would end up getting hurt. Because I was in a desperate situation as you were before, although pain is relieved for a few months, pain eventually comes back to stab you in the heart. People may eventually fall out of love with you. Fire on the candle wisps away in the air and darkness is all that is left. My girlfriend is out with a guy friend now. Been out for 7 hours now... and counting. having a companion may not always cure you of your wounds, instead make the cut much deeper. i feel miserable. i wish my eyes were out of my sockets because everything is so dark to me. even though the ceiling light is turned on, computer is on, i feel miserable.
  17. lebigmac

    lebigmac Well-Known Member

    I hear ya, dude. Especially the part about sexual frustration. A lot of people seem to treat it as some frivolous "all guys are horndogs" type of thing. But there is real pain involved, as you would expect when an important biological need is not being met. I'm at the point where I would do just about anything to have sex with just about anyone, and I'm not exaggerating. How sad.
  18. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    Hey hun ♥ u know what? This is what I think no matter how long u wait…that one person will come. U don’t have to b shamed. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that…at all.
    Im always here hun if u want anything.
  19. Gemma

    Gemma Member

    Hi.. I'm sorry your feeling so bad about this. I've just broken up with my boyfriend. He was older than you, and he'd never got close to anyone before me, I was his first proper girlfriend.

    I screwed up, not knowingfully or purposfully... but I did. I did things that he interpreted in a way that I never thought he would, and I've hurt him so much. Know he's pretty much ended our relationship on the basis that he feels he can't cope with loving someone because he can't bear getting hurt. I don't know if you feel like that? If you're can't get close to someone because you're so scared of them hurting you.

    I dunno, it may not be a conscious thought process, but it could be a reason why you haven't had a relationship yet. Sorry, I'm not trying to tell you how you feel or anything. I just read your post and it really hit home me, because I think it's something similar to the guy I love experienced before he met me. Now he doesn't want another relationship because he can't handle it. That's hurting me, I want him to be ok, but I can't handle NOT being with him... I guess that's another story. I guess I'm dependent on him, and as you said, that's not good.

    I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a good person. You may feel unattractive, but that is down to low self esteem. As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One day you may meet someone who falls in love with your for who you are and finds you attractive in their eyes. Anyway, if it's any consellation, relationships based purely on physical attraction never work out.

    Sorry, I don't know if I've said anything remotely helpful... I think I've just been rambling a bit. All I really wanted to say, is that you're not the only person who's felt like this. Maybe it means you just haven't found the right person, maybe you're scared, I don't know - but none of this makes you sad or pathetic! I hope things improve for you soon
  20. I'm a 25 year old virgin but thats due to me having learning difficulties and poor social skills and been shy. Girls like to be entertained and if you cant entertain them then you need to be rich or famous. You dont get anything for been a virgin. Would be nice to be appreciated by women for been a good boy and never cheating and for been so patient just a shame women dont appreciate me for that. I keep telling myself that will have sex before i'm 30 but i'm not getting any younger and all the takeaways dont help and i'm becoming resentful of women for feeling so left out by them its not on the bad guys get all the fun :mad:
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