Being around it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lightning05, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I was at a friend's house this weekend hanging out after a long day out around the city. I was talking to her and there was music on so I wasn't really paying attention to everything that was going on around me. Before I knew it there were some people who started using some of the drugs that I used to when I had my drug problem. I tried not to look at them and keep talking but I started to feel very nervous and jittery. I kept tapping my foot and glancing over every 5 seconds and I felt the worst guilt I've felt in a long time because I was so tempted to go over and use too. I have never thought about using in the past few years since I've been clean and the thought scared me. I didn't use and I never will again - I will never ever break my sobriety but just having that temptation there and seeing my reaction made me feel very bad about myself. This is the first time I've been around that drug since I quit. Has this ever happened to anyone else?
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Great stuff my friend, I'm so glad you were okay in a difficult situation. It just shows how we have to be constantly on our guard against this problem. I'm so proud of you :)
    Brian
     
    lightning05 likes this.
  3. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Brian. It would have been one thing if I knew they were going to be using - I wouldn't have gone. But I am glad that I did not give in. Thanks for the support!
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Excellent job lightning. My brother detoxed on alcohol many years ago. One thing they told him he had to do was to change his friends and never hang out with his drinking buddies again. He has managed to do just that and has been sober many years. I hope you can do the same. And just walk away from any situation where drugs are available.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  5. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Thank you @SillyOldBear . I plan to stay away from drugs as much as possible. I don't feel comfortable in those environments anymore. I met a guy in my rehab program and we became friends. I talked to him recently and he is still clean too. It gives me that much more motivation to keep going and never look back!
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Well done lightning05!
     
    lightning05 and Brian777 like this.
  7. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I hate the addict in me. I'm still thinking about that night and I can't get the image and sounds of people using out of my head. It's frustrating and making me kind of sick. I feel great about using but I feel so "dirty" for being there and watching that after working so hard to stay clean. I don't know, I feel ashamed of myself in a way for living through someone while they were doing that. I feel like a cheater :(
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  8. citygirl47

    citygirl47 Member

    Lightning, This incident has clearly brought back a lot of thoughts and feelings back to you.Please try to distract yourself when these thoughts come into your head.Don't let it invade your sobriety and if I was you, if you ever find yourself in that situation again, be strong and remove yourself from that situation as if you were running for the hills to safety.You have done SO well, keep walking the path you have chosen, put your blinkers on and pls NEVER look back.Take care of yourself.
     
    Brian777 and lightning05 like this.
  9. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, @citygirl47 . I was given the same advice from someone else and I've been able to distract myself pretty well from it today. I know I will never use again, I just wasn't doing well with the memories and emotions that it bought up in me. I've also talked about it with my therapist and we worked through it so I'm feeling more confident about it now and am letting it go.
     
    citygirl47 and Brian777 like this.
  10. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey lightning, you didn't use, but it just shows the power that this has over us. Don't beat yourself up my friend, you came through it fine and you're still on track. Just shows how dangerous being Around people using can be. Hugs
    Brian
     
    lightning05 and citygirl47 like this.
  11. concerned07

    concerned07 Member

    I had a bad drug problem when I was younger. For the last 17 years of my life I have worked for a pharmaceutical company where we make serious pain medications. So it's mind over matter once you get your priorities straight. Congrats on confronting your demons and following the path you chose.
     
    lightning05 and Brian777 like this.