Being British

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Marshmallow, Dec 13, 2007.

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  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
    American shows on a Japanese TV.

    And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

    Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

    Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.


    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

    58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

    31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

    British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

    18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

    5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

    and finally...

    In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
  2. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    ive seen the top half loads of times, but it seems different authors interchange "britain" with "america"
  3. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    :wink: must love Brits :hug:
  4. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    We am the smarts.:smile:
  5. GypsyGirl

    GypsyGirl Well-Known Member

    I :wub: Brits!! :hugs:
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Bring back fish and chips in newspaper I say :mad: :laugh:
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Come on Viks... Don't give Liam amo here, you know he's a bloody Scot! :rofl:
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Seems brits and Americans aren't so different after all :)
  9. anonymous51

    anonymous51 Staff Alumni

    Nah it was gross when they did that, inky chips :yuk:
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Lobs a haggis at Liam :moon:
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    wow lol:unsure:
  13. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

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