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being bullyed has completly messed me up

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by PiecesMended, Sep 8, 2010.

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  1. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    Ive been bullied ever since I was in primary school (i live in england) thats where a lot of my self hate has come from and its also the reason i started to SH because I wanted control and I didnt want anyone to be able to hurt me more than I could, Which i know sounds sick but thats what happened.
    Ive had all sorts of things happen to me, one time someone nearly strangled me with my own tie and the teacher was right there and did nothing. Even my own so called 'friends' were even in on it when I went to secondary school. Sometimes it got sexual which I havnt told anyone about as it makes me feel very vunerable. It has made me very untrusting of people but particularly people my own age which is why most of my college friends are older than me and why I prefer to talk to adults. Its also why I prefer animals to people. I'd really like to get over this is there a way to do that that i dont know about?
  2. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I was bullied a lot, told I was disgusting, horrible, vile, hideous, all these other insults that I started to believe and hated myself because of this. I was a very shy person and didn't really have any friends, but over the years I found people I could relate to and have made some pretty good friends. You just have to find people who are also not accepted I guess, my group of friends weren't particularly the type to be accepted so we all banded together. Hanging around with and talking to people who like you helps you to start to get over what people have done and said, although I find that 3 years after leaving school, I still get the self-hatred which stems, I guess, from being told I was disgusting so often and having it reinforced, even though now I am told all of the time, nice things like I am beautiful, and that I am a wonderful person, for some reason I still believe all the horrible things people have told me.

    So in a way, it takes time. It still bothers me although I guess it isn't as bad as it was. If you're still in school, all I can say is hang on, wait until you get out of there. Get to college or something, find a nice quiet college where people are friendly, like the one I go to. Somewhere away from the assholes at school, whom I detested.

    Maybe get a counselor or a psychologist to talk to about the sexual harrassment that you got, as I can also say that I have suffered on the terms of sexual advances that went much further than I was comfortable with. It is definitely not something I would advise you try to deal with yourself, as I learned when I ended up in a horrendous state because of them.

    Just remember that you as an individual are better than the bullies, as they are low enough to do this to another human being, to bring them to feeling this bad about themselves. My thoughts are with you, I hope things improve for you.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :censored: I hate bullies...cowardly :censored:

    I'm sorry you had to put up with that :censored:

    have you had any therapy?
    it could help build up your self esteem and help you to realize you are a good and worthwhile person who deserves better then the treatment dished out by a bunch of losers..
    don't let them win okay....show them you're better than they ever were
  4. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    I am in therapy i've had three different therapists. They all knew about this but never seemed to think it was a big deal when I know that this is where alot of my problems come from.
    Thank you so much. I have FINALY left school and I'm going to a small college which specialises in animal care. It doesnt start till late in the term which is annoying. But they did a taster week so that people could get to know eachother and I found that everyone was really nice. In fact I proberbly made more friends in that week than I have in the last five years. I guess having a common intrest brings us all together.:smile:
    I'm still not comfortable with telling anyone. I really want to tell someone but I can't. I have tried but I chicken out last minuete.
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    have you thought of writing about the sexual harrassment and giving the letter to your therapist? might be easier that way..
  6. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    I hadn't thought of that even though I've done this before for other things... What do you think I should write? I don't really know.
  7. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Maybe you should just write what happened, in as much detail as you feel comfortable, and how you felt in the situation, and how you feel looking back.
  8. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Mind if I chip in?
    The only thing I can suggest is to keep your confidence, that's what bullying does, it knocks your confidence like it has mine. No matter what, keep your confidence, if you have confidence you can get anywhere. When your confidence breaks, it's hard to get anywhere.
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    agree with kazine....
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