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Being Devoid of any Social Contact

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jungle420, Nov 29, 2011.

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  1. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Seriously what is the point in living if you spend all day trawling through Facebook, this forum and social anxiety forum and that's all you do all day. I don't have any acquaintances in real life never mind friends. Ive never had a real friend in my life. I don't see how life can change if you've left it to 21. There are no jobs whatsoever here..ive been looking for work for 2years now since quitting college. Its a dead town here,. if you don't have friends or a job or your own transport believe me you have nothing in this location. I speak like 0-5 words a day and that's just answering back demands from my mam. She demands i do things even though i have no life, she basically rules the tiny little existence i call my life. I have nothing in my life literally a tv and computer..my life exists in pixels..

    There is no answer to this problem other than to attain some sort of social life and independence. I cannot wait much longer. I have SA too and schizophrenia, I may also have borderline like my eldest sister does so this makes it very difficult to try and socialise now..well I never get the opportunity because going to a pub/club alone seems the only option. Thats a very harrowing experience if you've lived like I have and had all the negative experiences ive had in my life. I simply cannot be happy being alone..if my life doesn't start now i know ill never be happy my entire life, unless i pretend im still 21 when im 25..if life begins then.

    Im not scared to die, well sometimes it feels extremely scary and a huge waste of life.. because ive been told many times im good looking and that im intelligent..Ive had girls hit on me but ive turned them down by not knowing what to say in the moment and looking like im shunning them when really my SA is paralysing me. I just feel like ill be without friends, any social companionship or a relationship and probably a virgin my entire life..I just don't know how to deal with people..im too anti social..Ive isolated since I was in nursery. I dont know wtf is wrong with me.. I feel like I want to kill myself seriously because I have nothing in life..and have no idea how to get what I want. I CANNOT BE HAPPY DEVOID OF ANY HUMAN INTERACTION/COMMUNICATION. Im seriously stuck..ive seen tonnes of doctors, psychiatrists, spoke to crisis team. had lots of people come out to my house and not one of them can answer my issues.

    I also have no family..they al treat me like the blacksheep and ignore me. Ever since i became ill and had a psychotic episode they have hated me more, they think im being horrible towards them when they give me zero support or understanding
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear your pain and sadness If you were able to take one class only at college level it would allow you to have some social contact a class that you would like to take a music class a art class computer something that will give you joy and get you that personal contact you need. Unfortunately the jobs are hard to get it is that way for most people but keep trying okay keep getting your name out there. Also volunteer your time at a pet shelter a nursing home somewhere to get you out again okay volunteer work looks great on a resume shows you are not sitting around but giving back to society. Volunteer food bank anywhere hun take care okay i too have most my friends on computer it is not the same as real life but they are kind. You can pm me anytime you need to just talk okay hugs
  3. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    I know I probably sound pathetic and over dramatic but im extremely depressed and have had bouts of depression since 13, amongst many issues. Im now contemplating suicide yet again since there is no way out of my situation,or atleast if there is its taking me years to discover it... its like being trapped in a realm i cannot escape, its not my fault my lifes this pathetic, ive been through enough to have been driven to this point. I just can't fucking take anymore. I know im not helping myself, but the truth is I dont know how to, I haven't got a clue about any area of my life, yet all of it need changing. Amsterdam alone by myself was the only time ive ever felt some sort of freedom, thats the only holiday ive ever had..damn Id kill for a holiday, anywhere just other than this shithole environment. I fucking hate where I live. I hate everything about this place and my life.
  4. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Hey thx for reply I wrote my 2nd post before I read that. I was thinking of college just to re attempt at salvaging some social life, although i quit the course i had my future destined on there, (not entirely my fault either because I was doing well up until a point). I don't even have friends online clearly because i have nothing to offer.. its just a big cycle of deprivation and loneliness. im turning 22 in January and ive lived less than a 15yr old wtf
  5. Brandt

    Brandt Well-Known Member

    Have you looked into the gyms in your area yet Jungle? That could help with not only getting out some anger and frustration but it could open doors for social contact and making some friends. Even if at the beginning they're just work out buddies, you have to start somewhere.
  6. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    Hey, I share your feelings, I know how it is being alone a whole day between four walls. I am 30 now and in the same situation. I have a few friends but I avoid to see them due to my depression and being a loser, also I don't want to look for gf, althrough I am a good looking guy and had many girls interested in me. I have a college degree but still I wasn't able to find a job for 3 years now. I am totally crashed now, all I want is to die. I just can't stand watching days,weeks,years passing and nothing is going on in my life.

    I know this won't make you happier a bit but still want to let you know someone understand what you're going through. Also if you feel need to talk you can send me a PM anytime:)
  7. WhateverDan

    WhateverDan Member

    I can relate to this to, there is always that strange feeling that life is someone else's and you're just along for the ride but for whatever reason they insist that you have to be there.

    I like the personal journey concept which you see in films and born again Christians, whereby no matter how bad things go or how much you fuck up, you can ultimately come out of it a better person.

    Having said that though I feel that I've completed my journey, overcoming anxiety (which took me 10 years) and finally attending University at 27. The problem with that is that after 10 years of mental torture, I'm not the same person that dreamt of Uni at 17, I'm bitter, pissed off and tired and one lecture away from a killing spree lol.

    That's just me though, we're not all the same and so many of you have and continue to endure far greater challenges in life. To the topic creator I think you could capitalize on your good looks and intelligence to make a friend, just someone you can spend time with and share a common interest with.
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