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Being gay feels like a curse.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by HeroWho, Mar 24, 2011.

  1. HeroWho

    HeroWho Well-Known Member

    Constantly falling in love, knowing you'll never be loved back. I truly believe homosexuality is a mental disorder. I just hope someday someone will find a way to treat it. Anybody agree?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are who you are okay there are many people who are gay and they have found love and life that is fulfilling I hope you become comfortable with you okay Don't let anyone make you feel less then perfect because you are just that
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Not in the slightest. Do you feel this way because you're falling for straight guys who can't return your affections?
  4. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I think that's clear from his post.

    I have a friend that's or was the same way. He found something. He'll be ok. Lots of fish in the sea. The growing years can be rough.

    SLIMES New Member

    I'm bi and yes it is a curse. PPL who say they don;t mind being like that are just taking the sour grapes approach.
  6. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Everone wants love, but few know what love is to be able to find it. I pray you find the answers you seek in your journey in this life. Blessings..
  7. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    It's not a curse. Intolerant homophobic people are the curse.
  8. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member


    Prior to 1975 homosexuality was actually considered a mental disorder(depending on where you were, varied from place to place). Although when they published one of the psychiatric journals that listed all known mental illnesses in 1952(I think?) doctors called for it to be taken off the database of disorders as people that were gay could live happy and healthy lives.

    I've got the same problem with liking someone, and never getting anything back(so I came up with the "Love is a one way street. And I'm sick of driving down it." quote lol). Unfortunately I don't seem to come across as being gay, and I think people have forgotten that I am. Like they say all this really offensive shit right infront of me? It's not directed 'at' me, but at someone else. For example, if a kid in my class calls someone else a 'fag' or 'gay', they are obviously trying to offend that person yea? Well in trying to offend the person they're saying it to, they're also offending someone that's right fucking beside them...

    I think it's crippled my mind to be honest. Some days are better than others. Then there's days where is just like shoot me in the bloody head. Being in a minority isn't exactly fun. I've got a kind of 'formula' I go by for possible partners(I've never had a boyfriend anyway). If 10% of the population is gay, that's 690,000,000 people. Now I guess it's fair to say 50% of those are female right? So that leaves 345,000,000 people. Use that sum in relation to your respective country....21 million in australia, 2.1 million gay people, 1.05 million *possible* guys, there are 7(?) states in Oz, divide that by about 5(to accomodate for varying state populations), this leaves 210,000 guys that *might* be gay. You also have to factor in the size of your city/town and whether it's full of petrol sniffing miners or not(lol). Have to shave that number down because of age differences, that might leave like 80,000 possible partners? So out of the 80,000 possible partners, depending on an acceptable age difference, I don't have much of a chance. There's also the dilemma that I have emotional problems, not very physically attractive, introverted, psychological issues entwined with suicidal ideation and several personality 'anomalies'. That means I have virtually no chance what so ever.

    But apparently there's someone for everyone. The day can't come sooner when I start liking someone that actually likes me.

    Are there certain reasons why you feel you can't find someone that likes you back?

    PS - sorry if my post was triggering.
  9. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Agreed. You can't help who you fall in love with. Just like straight people can't help that they only love someone of the opposite gender. Its homophobics that're the curse cause they want gays to feel like its a curse when really its not. Though like another post said, something tells me you made this topic because you had feelings for someone thats straight and you're upset that they don't feel the same about you as you do about them. You just gotta find the right person that feels the same way bout you as you do for them. I'm pretty sure theres someone out there. :)
  10. HeroWho

    HeroWho Well-Known Member

    Of course. If I was straight I wouldn't have this problem, however. And homosexuals will always have a harder time finding love. Especially shy people (like me) who would probably have some problems when straight too.
  11. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's a mental disorder to be gay. I am constantly falling in love without being loved back, and I'm straight. I think the problem is shyness, not your sexual orientation. Hang in there xx
  12. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    I totally agree, I'm gay and shy and that's a deadly combo. I've never had a real relationship and i'm 36yo and the future doesn't look good for me either. It just sucks that being shy comes with its own obstacles but combine that with being gay and the obstacles just overwhelm me and just makes me want to give up which I kinda of have done.
  13. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    i dont believe its a curse or a mental disorder. once you learn to embrace who you are, and love and accept yourself, love will follow when you least expect it. im gay and i love it, and if you think of it its just a label, you are who you are. if you ever want a friend to talk to just messge me :)
  14. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    It describes my life surprisingly well. Don't worry, I'm used to it.

    Being in love with people who don't love you back isn't a uniquely homosexual problem, but there are a lot more barriers that we face in finding someone.
  15. Sleek220

    Sleek220 Banned Member


    Please do get in touch.
  16. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I'd agree. The other guy made a great point. Being gay, you're already limited to how many potential partners there're (just 10% are gay). You have to also take into account gay bashing still happens so some gays never come out of the closet. So being shy on top of all that is a sad recipe.

    I'm shy. I can relate to that. I'm not gay, but I ... ummm ... know a few that are and have for a while. He used to speculate about who he thought was gay in school and in media. I remember when he first came out... I never expected it! I always thought he liked girls just didn't talk about it (like me). He never could have said anything while growing up because his parents were christian and his classmates teased dorks by calling them gay. Anyway, he's in his 30's now. I can't imagine how he'd feel if he'd always kept to himself about it.

    Ironically, I've had a lot of people in life think I'm gay. I guess because I don't look tough or muscle my way through things. I got teased a lot in school. Some of the kids took advantage to say I was gay. I hated it. If I really was gay, I might have killed myself.

    Anywya, you need to find someone because you won't be really happy until you do. To be happy, I think, we have to be ourselves and feel empowered and in control of our lives. If you don't feel that way, you won't be able to be content. But don't let me tell you how you feel. If you feel ok then that's great. But can you honestly say you're happy without having a guy you can know intimately? Maybe it's just my preconceptions about needs and desires.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2011
  17. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    This gayness thing is confusing. I was reading one of the posts that says that the Op might be falling in love with hetero men and that might be his problem but to be a Homosexual man your natural inclination would be to love a man. The fact that he might be hetero is beside the point...but I understand the dilemma.

    With lesbians, I have noticed that one is more feminine than the other and the one that takes up the more masculine part will most likely act like a man and be more butch. If your a homosexual female then surely you like women and not men so why fall for a women that acts like a man instead of one that is feminine? and if you do why not give a try to the genuine article...a man.

    The inverse does not seem to be true for men. Most gays dont especially want to be womanly like or search for feminine guys, I think!? or am I wrong.

    All very strange and I can relate to the OP in his shyness I used to be very shy but it sort of goes away when you dont give a dam about what people think. Just be yourself
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2011
  18. HeroWho

    HeroWho Well-Known Member

    Yes. It's because I don't know any gay people. Well, there's this one guy, but he's really not my type.

    No. They're both problems. Shyness makes it harder for me to find people I'm compatible with and being homosexual makes it the number of people I'm compatible with smaller. SO even if I conquer the shyness, I still have to take into consideration the lack of people I am possibly compatible with.

    That's terrible :\

    I've always accepted it.


    Also, I agree with johnnysays and jota1's posts.
  19. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    The question really is, "What is love?" Is it truly just a physical attraction that pull us into pleasure? Or is it deeper than that?Many people straight or gay find it difficult to find love, because they think love is only about physical attraction. Sure attraction is needed in order to want to be with someone, but is that all there is? And if not can you see how there will be disappointment around every curve? I used to think that people wanting to have sex with me was love. If that was truly the case wouldn't I have found happiness in that? Well; I didn't and lust became a disgustingly sad substitute for what I have found love truly is. It is your journey, and love is worth searching out, but I would not do it through a fleshly way; like through sex. But it is your journey and I have to say that love is the most awesome thing known to mankind. I pray everyone will find it; it will change their whole life.
  20. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Lol yea I know what you're talking about...there's only like 3(including me) gay/bi guys at my school...fail? One of them is alright, but he's a couple of years younger than me and the other one is a bit too girly for me lol...

    I think in one of your other posts you said that you were nearly turning 18? you could probly go to gay bars/clubs then. But your drinking age is like 21 isnt it? :dry:. Some people even suggested me using craigslist to find other guys....I don't suggest that :laugh:. It's just constant crap about sex...and I wouldn't get into random sex. I can't just jump into bed with anyone lol.

    You could even try online dating if you wanted to. I don't really know any gay people but that'd be because of my age and a few of my own problems.

    but yea, gay bars/clubs once you hit 18(if you can do that in the states) or online dating. other than that I'm completely shit at finding someone lol.