You know I often times wonder why I try so hard to torment myself. Things that are very easy to change I don't do so I can hate myself. Things like going to the gym. It only takes a little bit of will power and I could satisfy my vanity. But no I do not do that, I just wake up in the morning and go back to sleep. Or there is the only female who I have ever known in real life. We have a weird relationship that used to involve intercourse. Yet as I never actually became her boyfriend. We decided it would be best if we stopped that portion of our relationship. However, I do no stop. Any and every change I get I try engage her in intercourse. Those are two main examples of how I torment myself. I often times sit down and ask the question of why I do this? Or the better question of how do I stop doing this? How do I stop doing these things that make me hate myself?