If you read my first thread you will know what happened on Christmas eve. I have been getting a lot of support and I thank everyone. Everyday becomes harder on me. Not easier.. What I can't understand is WHY? He wrote me close to 1400 emails even with us living together over the past 2 years telling me how much he loved me. How I was the nicest person he ever met. His life. He left me. How can I be convinced that he loved me. If you love someone you stay with them thru good times and bad. I feel like I was not worth living for. He gave up on us. To top things off, he did it mad at me. The one he needed the most. He is dead and now I am left with all the pain. I should have always made him happy. I don't like when we argued. My mind is playing tricks with me. I see a shadow on my wall for the past two days. It looks like him. It never goes away. Even if there is no light. I will never see him again. I just want to sleep. I don't think I can ever go on with my life without him. Everywhere I go is a reminder. Everything I enjoyed in life we did together. I cannot do anything anymore.