Being so close and now so far

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Darlene, Feb 1, 2012.

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  1. Darlene

    Darlene Member

    If you read my first thread you will know what happened on Christmas eve.
    I have been getting a lot of support and I thank everyone.
    Everyday becomes harder on me. Not easier..
    What I can't understand is WHY?
    He wrote me close to 1400 emails even with us living together over the past 2 years telling me how much he loved me. How I was the nicest person he ever met. His life.
    He left me. How can I be convinced that he loved me. If you love someone you stay with them thru good times and bad. I feel like I was not worth living for. He gave up on us. To top things off, he did it mad at me. The one he needed the most. He is dead and now I am left with all the pain. I should have always made him happy. I don't like when we argued.
    My mind is playing tricks with me. I see a shadow on my wall for the past two days. It looks like him. It never goes away. Even if there is no light.
    I will never see him again. I just want to sleep. I don't think I can ever go on with my life without him. Everywhere I go is a reminder. Everything I enjoyed in life we did together.
    I cannot do anything anymore.
  2. Lucano

    Lucano Well-Known Member

    Let me tell you something Darlene, my fiance, well ex fiance always told me she loved me and I always told her I loved her. I believe in her words and even now after she left me, I know she did loved me. She still loves me and I know that won't change, just as my love for her, though she left me for another man, it doesn't means she didn't loved me, it means she had her own issues and her own inner solutide and it was her mistake, her failure as a couple, even if I was not the couple I should have been, cheating and leaving me was not the answer, she should have talked to me first. If people who loves us leave us, is not our fault, is theirs, for not being able to talk things, to not work them out with us and trying to work them out alone. Or with someone else. But it doesn't mean that they didn't loved us or that they don't. Like it was said before, he did not left mad at you, you must stop thinking that, he left mad at himself. We always told each other that we would be there for each other in the bad and the good times alike and still this happened. Is not my fault, is hers. And that wasn't your fault, I know that some of the things I say might even make you feel worse, but the truth is that is not your fault at all. Everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of our life together. But, I just realized today that I have to move on, I can. And I know you can, hang in there, it gets better, I promise, but hang in there, for you and for me. I care about you.
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