Being Sober Scares Me

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Infinite Sadness, May 26, 2010.

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  1. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member


    I don't remember a time when I didn't have some sort of substance for escapism. :(
    I started young with hallucinogens and pot..always pot. Frig I can't seem to quite shake this one. I did quit while I was pregnant and also for a 4 year stint but in that time I was drinking heavily...(not in the pregnancy, just to be clear)..
    I became an alcoholic in my early twenties and have been sober from that three time so far. All three lasted almost a year each and the last time I was in AA. I have been sober from booze for almost two weeks now.
    I want to go back to AA but I feel like I'm a cheater and I don't deserve to be there because I can't give up the pot. It's fowned upon there and man I DO want to give it up, really. It makes me slow and forgetful. I'm sluggish in the morning and I'm sure my meds are not working right. Anyway, I am just terrified of what life is like without an escape.

    Is it stupid to want to go to rehab for freakin' pot? :/
  2. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I feel the same, between cigarettes, alcohol or cutting, it's escapism. I have no solutions for you. I know only an exterior help makes me drink really less, and I don't cut anymore. By exterior help I mean a medical treatment AND a therapy.
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I think it is great if you want to quit and face your life head on...I support your effort and am here for you.
  4. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    I am just so darn impatient.

    Scully, I am just starting to get help medically from a new doctor and have only seen him once thus far. I hope he'll be able to help with this stuff. I have not cut since last summer myself, so I hope that will remain that way. Thank you for replying and good luck and strength your way.

    Thank you Bambi. Support is really nice to have! :biggrin:
    I liked the support in AA but as I said above I felt undeserving of it as I was not 100% sober, just of the alcohol.

    I think I am afraid that I may become very suicidal with nothing to keep my mind subdued. I suppose this is where the therapy and meds come in..
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    The thing is to subdue "bad things" with creative things, like writing, music, see friends, go out, movies, sport helps a lot, painting. But you're on the right way with medical help, and one time isn't enough to tell. PLease go on, and good luck.
  6. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    I don't usually do the creative things sober but I guess I'll have to give it a try if I want this to work right?
    I have been meaning to get back into skateboarding for a while now. I also love to swim.
    Thanks for the well wishes.

    btw..I reeeeeeeally loved the x-files..hehe
  7. Brandon

    Brandon Well-Known Member

    I kinda feel the same way, i feel uncomfortable when im sober. i rely on many substances to feel "normal" and to just let go. However, with the support and help of others, i am learning to not rely so much on the drugs. Support really is a wonderful thing, and i just wanted you to know i'm here to support you as well, pm me whenever you have urges or just want to talk, and i'll help as best i can, because i go through the same thing. I seems like you're doing a good thing, getting help like you are, and i wish you the best of luck
  8. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much Brandon. =)

    I tend not to reach out for help when I need it but I am going to try and change that and am doing it moreso nowadays. I think it's part pride, part being embarrassed I guess.. ?

    Do you find being sober feels like being on drugs because you have become so accustomed to feeling what the drugs make you feel? If that even makes sense..heh
  9. Brandon

    Brandon Well-Known Member

    yea it does make sense, and yea i do
  10. kitanai

    kitanai Well-Known Member

    i did it all and cigs,herb&soda are the only things i cant seem to drop wish i would go back to skateboarding but i always push myself to hard and ive already had 2 knee surgery so i feel torn apart cause i just wanna skate but shouldn't so i stay high safer in some ways worse off in others
  11. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    Eh.. I know what you mean. My ankles are effed for skating but damn I miss it. Maybe it just means no nasty tricks for me.

    Oh yeah, cigs are the bad with me. Been smoking for 19 years and when I try to quit I turn into mega-bitch. :/
    I have had people buy me packs and beg me to smoke again...eeep.
  12. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    Being sober sucks
  13. pl2584

    pl2584 Member

    no whatever helps to make you feel better. addiction to anything is bad and a good sign is trying to stop.
  14. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Same here. Sobriety is a no no with me. When they sent me to the Hospital ward. I was more pissed because they didn't let me smoke than because of the fact I was a prisoner there.
  15. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    Awww Boo :hug:
  16. Morphine

    Morphine New Member

    It's 11 AM here. I'm sober for like 3 hours now. And I'm going to buy some amphetamine and pot. God I hate myself for this. I can't imagine me sober now. My friends left me because of this... Guess I have to end it soon...
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