being swept under the rug...again

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by anotherearthplease27, May 10, 2012.

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  1. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    sorry...guess i deserved it....would be upset if i weren't so damn numb.

    not going to introduce self just going to say good bye

    and thank you
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun don't say goodbye stay here and talk oky You don't deserve the pain or sadness please hun keep talking to us what has brought you here explain ok
    Let others help you hugs
     
  3. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    Dear Total Eclipse,

    you are sweet...and i appreciate your support.


    your avatar saying you were never good at good bye(nice)...i guess the sum of my problem is that i have never been good at hello....not hi"s but hellos...

    ..........................................

    listen, i cant handle talking about this right now.............just want to fall into a bottle of wine and some bad movies(another crux of my problem...avoidance/isolation)

    ............................................

    i hope you can forgive me...dont mean to be rude...just seriously cant handle this right now,

    thank you again

    k
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know people care. :hug:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is ok hun when ready you can say your hellos you can talk to us and we will be here to listen try not to drink too much okay dam hangovers in morning not worth it hugs
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish to welcome you to the forum and encourage you to practice saying your hellos to people that might just understand some of what you are going through. Stick around and give us the chance to help you as we can. Take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  7. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    thank you...this site is frustrating...i keep "letting it out"and keep getting kick out of systemso then cant post.....so for those of you who are being so kind and encouraging...thank you a thousand times...im trying
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Is it your computer that is kicking you out of the system maybe talk to Technical part forum here see why it is happening I am glad you are trying hun hugs
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    When you log in, there's a checkbox that asks if you want to stay logged in. Have you tried ticking that box?

    If you're using a shared computer and you do tick that box, make sure you log out completely once you're done.
     
  10. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    i am going to try that thank you
     
  11. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    okay...well ..this is me again...the less dramatic me at the moment

    i think when i originally came on here....i was a lurker...sorry...i guess i really didnt know what i wanted at the time....maybe i was looking for an exc use or maybe i was looking for me in here.....maybe i was just looking for someone to fight for me because i had stopped fighting for myself

    the thing is i was really really not doing well (no matter that i said i was fine or okay)...i was not doing fine or okay and i hope you all can forgive me for not being honest with you or myself...but just by coming here and reading your honesty and life stories i became okay and fine...and i think i can never repay you for this...although i will probably try....

    ...my first attempt....everyone here gets a year long hug....and...AND...if after a year you want another...it is yours

    i know alot of you out there are saying" i have no purpose" but i think you are wrong(sorry dont mean to be a troll) but truly...i am standing(well actually) laying here today because of you and your courage and your honesty. honestly i have to believe that your purpose is simply just being....................hmm.....................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....okay...the k is thinking..............give this girl room.......................i always wondered (if there is a creator) ,why would they make situations that led to such desperate thoughts......maybe our life lesson is and our purpose is to spread this word................that it ok to just be. (I like that...think i will put a pin in it) we are prophets :)

    i guess i would like to ask a question too...i spent alot of time reading about peoples problems....would you all be upset with me if i only slowly revealed to you my problems...if at all...........my problems are as vast and deep as the ocean...i really need time in a boat.

    i dont want (and dont think its healthy not to ) be sharing but until i start learning to float i hope you will be patient

    i also have another question....i dont want to offend but is it just me...does sometimes the last thing you want is for someone to tell you its going to be okay when you know its clearly not...that is not to say everything is not going to be okay but that just seems too much the fairy tale? its just a request and dont expect anyone to remember but if i fall into the ocean again(and i know i will) can you please tell me things like just hold on for one more moment...one more day....or say we are here for you...hugs...stuff like that..................................i will reveal to you that i have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for around 30 years, so a future (my having a future) seems fairytaelish....ive decided the best way im going to try battling this(i have to start the fight at some point) is to take life moment to moment ...day to day. im sorry i am being selfish....and i hope i dont sound to "ungrateful" or controlling....but i need to start fighting for what i need and want...i need this...i want this...im sorry

    another question i have is(since this site is so gloriously vast in scope and dimension)is this a place where i can make daily and weekly goals and challenges(would love to start k's corner for this purpose)...i need to start living for the moment and the future...

    it would be nice to have a place where i will and can hold myself accountable.


    my first challenge is this.......name 10 small reasons for smiling.

    here's my list
    1.the last couple of nights i stayed awake and heard the first birds song
    2.i thought about what it would be great to have as an ocean(the sky and the after rain color of green)
    3.i found this site
    4.i am going to go outside and carve my low relief today.
    5.mickey d's has $1 cokes
    6.the movie tree of life(that was a great movie)
    7.i am smarter than i look and stronger than i think(winnie the pooh rules)
    8.trees....i love their enduring beauty
    9.plight of clownana(its raunchy but makes me laugh)
    10.anything celtic..................esp the music and loving the book anum cara by john Odonohue
    1st paragraph
    it is strange to be here.the mystery never leaves you alone. behind your image, below your words, above your thoughts,the silence of another world awaits.a world lives within you. no one else can bring you news of this inner world.through the opening of the mouth, we bring out sounds from the mountain of the soul. these sound are words.(my own aside:i adore words) the world is full of words.there are so many talking all the time, ...the noise of words keeps what we call the world there for us. we take each other's sounds and make patterns,predictions,benedictions and blasphemies.each day,our tribe of language holds what we call the world together.yet the uttering of the word reveals how each of us relentlessly creates. everyone is an artist. each person brings sound out of silence and coaxes the invisible to become visible. thank all of you for making the invisible visible.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2012
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