Being taken advantage of

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Kirovski22, Jun 10, 2013.

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  1. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    I had a friend who was very attracted to me and we got to be close friends and everything but one day he got over excited and took me to an alley way. I suffer from a problem where I get freaked out when involved in any sexual contact and i'm no longer in control of my body and he took advantage of that even when I continuously warned him about it but I think he thought I was just being "cute" and carried on. Because I was in no control as if I was watching a movie through my eyes and he completely took advantage of me sexually. I can never forgive him for what he did after I warned him so many times about it but he still continued. I now live with the constant guilt of letting him do it even though I wasn't in control of myself from being so freaked out. I'm scared that the person I adore will somehow find out and he will hate me because I doubt he will understand and think I participated out of lust. I will never forgive myself for this problem I have.

    Does anybody know what I could be suffering from? Because it doesn't make any sense to me at all and I need to get it sorted so it doesn't happen again. I can't put myself in danger like that again because it nearly caused me a breakdown.
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    It could be something along the lines of depersonalisation - where you may have been through a traumatic event that causes you to freak out at that point, losing control.

    I'd still consider consulting with a GP at least.
  3. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    I was sexually abused as a kid so perhaps that's what started it... Yeah i'll ask my GP when I next see him but I don't want the situation to involve my psychiatrist because she is useless. Fingers crossed I can get some answers!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    To answer your question 'does anyone know what I am suffering from'? I am no expert nor am I qualified to diagnose anyone but it does sound like post traumatic stress disorder, perhaps look it up on the net? Reliving the situation and feeling intense guilt is all part of PTSD. You need to get some professional help hun. It can get easier to deal with if you're getting the right kind of help. Also-have you been to see your GP yet?
    Good luck to you and know you can always count on us and anytime you want you can private message me x
  5. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    Thanks for the support. I've had therapy for 5 years but it hasn't helped. It made me feel worse about myself because after changing dramatically twice my mind is messed up. Haven't seen my GP yet but hoping to get an appointment soon xx
  6. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Kirovski22,
    Please don't blame yourself honey, you are freezing due to past abuse. You will in time feel better, you have to trust your partner and explain how frightened you feel. I am so sorry abuse did this to you, you need to feel safe again and learn that you won't be hurt. Please seek professional help from your GP for therapy so you can heal from this terrible abuse. I understand totally how you feel, you can stop them shout no and leave the situation if you feel frightened.
    Take care
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