I had a friend who was very attracted to me and we got to be close friends and everything but one day he got over excited and took me to an alley way. I suffer from a problem where I get freaked out when involved in any sexual contact and i'm no longer in control of my body and he took advantage of that even when I continuously warned him about it but I think he thought I was just being "cute" and carried on. Because I was in no control as if I was watching a movie through my eyes and he completely took advantage of me sexually. I can never forgive him for what he did after I warned him so many times about it but he still continued. I now live with the constant guilt of letting him do it even though I wasn't in control of myself from being so freaked out. I'm scared that the person I adore will somehow find out and he will hate me because I doubt he will understand and think I participated out of lust. I will never forgive myself for this problem I have. Does anybody know what I could be suffering from? Because it doesn't make any sense to me at all and I need to get it sorted so it doesn't happen again. I can't put myself in danger like that again because it nearly caused me a breakdown.