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Being the nice guy..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by UnitExtant, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. UnitExtant

    UnitExtant Active Member

    Over the past few years i've noticed continuously that women just shrug off the nice guys and go for the "cool" kids that are 100% retarded and think they're awesome because they do things without caring about the consequences..

    I've been talking to a girl ive known for a few years for the past 2 months, and she was happy with me and everything, we've hung out, been alone, done everything but sex because i personally don't want to have sex so soon because she's very close to me and i don't want to ruin it. well.. earlier today i got the nice guy shrug.

    she didn't have the guts to tell me in person so she avoided me when i saw her and of course like a vast majority of teens.. she told me over facebook this..

    "Hey. Look, I mean this in the nicest way possible, even though there really isn't a nice way to say this. You're a great guy Joe, honestly, like youve treated me better than most guys i've talked to. I just really dont think I can have a boyfriend at the moment. I mean I never get to see you and im always busy with work and school crap. I hate high school relationships anyways. Lets just stay friends alright?"

    i'll never understand why women just ditch the nice guys that treat them great.. i've got a job, a nice car, and i'm willing to do pretty much anything for her, but still the past 3 girls i've been with have said that they "aren't ready for a relationship". it's very disappointing when a 17 year old woman uses high school as an excuse to stop seeing each other..

    seriously what's the point in anything if you just get shrugged off for being nice..?
  2. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    As a girl, if I said that it wouldn't be because you were a "nice guy". It would be because I didn't want a relationship. She says she never gets to see you, maybe she is just busy? Or maybe there just isn't any "chemistry"? That happens, regardless of what kind of person you are. She wasn't mature enough to tell you this to your face, so she clearly wasn't mature enough for a relationship anyway really.. right?

    The job and the nice car won't mean anything to some or most women, depending on how people generally are in the area you live in.

    Maybe none of them want a relationship right now. Maybe its the chemistry thing. I'm 17 and balancing a relationship with school work is hard. Relationships at any stage in your life are a lot of work.

    These topics seem to come up fairly often on this forum, so I'm just going to say it bluntly XD

    Not all women dislike "nice guys." Everyone has a different type.

    I'm sure you're a great person, but women don't brush off "nice guys" for being nice. Its always something else. Commonly, men who call themselves "nice" can have very little confidence, be "clingy" or (as it seems with some individuals I know in person, this isn't directed at you) they're not actually as nice as they think they are.

    If you're seeing 17 year olds, I'm guessing you're probably around your late teens? In which case, I wouldn't worry so much about this. Just be assured that a woman isn't likely to ditch a guy because he is "nice". If she likes men that aren't quite as caring, she won't show any interest in a nice guy to begin with. There's always another reason, from experience at least.

    You have plenty of time to find someone right for you, it sounds like things just haven't quite clicked properly with these girls. If theres no spark, you can't force it, y'know? Give it some time, try not to focus on relationships right now and let it happen naturally.

  3. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    I agree with Ms Rayne. I find the "nice guy" is often trying to compensate for something. Men with low-esteem or anxiety issues will sometimes try to conquer with kindness, or as a kind of psychical hydraulics exert mental pressure to force themselves down and lift up another.

    Also, maybe you could try to date older girls? Teenage girls are nuts.
  4. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Yeah I have been in that boat for ten years now. It doesn't get any better. Supposedly what they say is if you bend over backwards for a woman she won't respect you. You aren't fun anymore. That's all playing into the head games nonsense. They say that nice guys do well in their 30s. I'm almost there, I let you know how it turns out. As far as I know right now the ideal mate for a 17 year old is that Edward guy from those vampire books...*shudder.

    Do you have a low self esteem? Is there some sort of physical aspect that makes you not as attractive as everyone else around you? Not trying to be mean, but if there is something you can do to make yourself more attractive do it. Hit up a gym, buy a new wardrobe. Personal hygiene is a must.

    High School is a particularly shallow time for anyone. To be honest, high school relationships are pretty much doomed to fail. I know its nice to have a girl friend and all, but if its not meant to happen it won't.

    Try not to be to desperate. If it sounds like I am being a dick I am really more or less giving myself advice that I should have always listened to. I won't tell you to do that whole cocky funny guy shtick or start treating them like garbage game, because if you truly are a nice guy, it is against your nature, and its hard to keep up that facade. I know how much it hurts to hear it ( because I have heard it most of my life) but be yourself and someone will eventually be into you. Three girls isn't every girl in the world. Find someone with common interests. Not just the girl that makes you want to mount her on site.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2010
  5. UnitExtant

    UnitExtant Active Member

    Yeah i know what you mean, and honestly i didn't really want to just mount her on site.. i'd prefer to actually get to know someone and be with them for quite some time. but the comments from everyone are appreciated, thanks.
  6. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    A lot of the time when this happens to a guy the first thing that comes to mind is that niceness screwed it up. I don't think that's the case. A lot of women like nice just like a lot of women like shy, edgy, funny, intelligent etc. Everyone's got their preferences but if you just bring that one thing to the table it's probably not going to work. Nice is the infamous cockblock because so many guys get burned by it. Who doesn't want a nice friend? It just isn't that much of a turn on by itself and that's where I think people go wrong and conclude that nice is bad. A lot of women want nice in a guy, they just also want him to be other things that the guy isn't or doesn't think he has to be because he's already nice.