Being told that suicide is for the weak. I don't know what to do anymore.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CNikki, Sep 16, 2014.

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  1. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    Try to open up as it would normally be suggested, only to be told that suicide is for the weak. I even confronted straight up that it wasn't and that one wouldn't know until they've reached that end themselves. What do you do when loved ones don't take your cries seriously and tell you that it is weak?

    I've contemplated on hurting myself, but I didn't. I'm not sure what to do or if it's worth carrying on. I've been housebound and of course people look down on me for that too. I'm not feeling the pressure of wanting to do anything right now, but the thought of what I was told still disturbs me as well as the fact that I could feel it again at any time. I'm wanting to do something but I have nobody to turn to. Then people wonder why I don't open up.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. YOU MUST NOT DO ANYTHING AT ALL, AS YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT. You are important and we totally understand what you are currently feeling. Suicide is not a sign of weakness but a cry of help. You have joined a supportive forum where we understand your feelings.

    The road to recovery of such thoughts is hard but you need to remain focus at the moment. Please do not give into the darkness and be focused. It's ok to cry as that releases any emotion you feel. You should open up here as you will feel among people who understand. The thing you need to focus is on a recovery plan which means taking one day at a time. Life can be cruel for whatever reasons but you need to focus on living as YOU DESERVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2014
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Nikki, something about your posts has particularly stuck out at me. First of all you think you have BPD. You are also housebound mostly or totally I think?

    I may be able to help honey. I've been on this site a long time and many people know here that I was completely housebound for years and recovered from that. I now get out of the house most days, I'm never afraid to go out anymore, even though there is potentially triggering people around where I live. You need to lift up your self esteem and need to raise your confidence hun. Trust me, I never thought I could do it-but I did. And you can too Nikki. Keep talking to us. Suicide is not for the weak, suicide is the result of .... too many things to name so I won't try but definitely NOT weakness.
  4. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    For the most part I am housebound unless I have someone to go to places with and that isn't all the time. I feel like I'm threatened when I go to places alone. I guess there's many 'triggers' but I want to get over them and live life like any normal person should. Thanks for your responses. I went through the night unharmed.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm glad you got through the night safely :hug: I unsure but I get the feeling that you would feel shame in reaching out for professional help. You must remember 1 in 4 people will suffer from depression in their lives. If you choose to consult a doctor, keep in mind they hear most of what you will say all the time hun! Everyone is scared and ashamed to reach out for help, but once its done its done and you will be on the road to recovery. Personally-regarding the housebound issue. Therapy was the best thing for it, would you consider seeing a therapist? All confidential and you don't need a doctors referral for a therapist. You are not alone in this. I promise you're not. The therapy can help you work on the triggers can they can teach you how to view them in a different light, it's amazing what you can learn from therapy and what they can do for you :) Keep reaching out, at your own pace and you will get your wish of living normally. It is hard, tough but you CAN do it :)
  6. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hi, first of all, I wish to say give yourself a good hug as you made the big effort to open up to your loved ones and to us as well. Another hug for yourself for not acting out the thought of self-harm.

    As you probably know, there can be different interpretations to suicide by anyone, even by those who may experience something similar to your situation. Is suicide for the weak or a cry for help? I cannot say for sure. There is something that is more important than those interpretations and that is you. Your thoughts and feelings.

    When we touch something very hot, we would quickly pull back our hands. Thoughts of permanent self-harm are simply signals to tell us we don't feel well emotionally and mentally.

    When you don't know what to do any more, listen to your heart. Listen to the thought and feeling that says, 'I don't really want to die. I really want to help myself through this'.

    You know what? You can, because there are people who can listen and help you see things more clearly. It is ok to be afraid, just remember the doors to get proper help are there because you are not alone in feeling this way.

    Please seek help as soon as you can and continue to post here to share your thoughts and feelings. Take care.
  7. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    Thank you for the responses, guys. I'll have to admit that it was sort of dumb for the reason(s) I felt the way that I had, but I wish I never felt them to begin with. I'm not as hurt as to what I was told, but it definitely is not something one should say to another when they are feeling that way. It makes me wonder how much of the population is still remained to be ignorant and think that suicide is a quick fix or you're shamed for it. I have had a history of being emotionally unstable but even when it was shown I still never received help. -sigh-

    I'll keep in touch with this place, however. Thanks again for the support.
  8. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    When you came to a point where you dropped just about everyone out but the ones who stay and you have to genetically be closest with... Turn out to be the ones who give the least of a damn about you. I'm a little too old to go ranting on about this, but it does tie in for when I wanted to reach out and get help and yet I've been ignored and then told that it's my fault. I'm sorry, I know I'm not the best when reaching out to others if at all, but I have tried and if I really felt like there was no reason then I would've ended the problem a long while ago. I reached out to you because I know that I needed help. But then you go around and tell me that I'm weak, it's my fault and give any reason that you still would give a deaf ear when I really have nowhere else to turn to. You claim that you care and give yourself some waterworks and say you're in pain when hearing that I want to die but you still refuse to help me when I need it most. Honestly, I don't know if I should just walk out or what.

    I don't know what to do. I've been nothing but zilch my whole life and there's really no way I can change that now. Everything that I've hoped for and all that I wish I could've tried and not have my abnormalities (which again, have been denied that I needed help from those to begin with) get in the way have got the best of me. Literally I cannot move. I'm keeping myself up due to this when I really should be doing other things. Honestly I wish I had taken help the first minute it was offered to me a long while ago, but of course I thought that I didn't need any at the time. Harsh reality is that if there's really nothing then I probably shouldn't be here at all. No matter what given reason I tell myself even if I truly don't want to die, that doesn't change the reasons as to why I should.

    If I do cave in then I really hope that nobody gives a damn about it. That's all I have to say.
  9. Velvetina

    Velvetina Member

    I'll echo what was said above - I'm new here, and waver into intense periods of being suicidal and then to moments where I'm heavily depressed but I fumble through life. But suicide and the feeling like that is your only option isn't a weakness. It takes an incredible amount of strength to try and make that decision, but I am so glad that you're still here and even though you feel like you can't reach out to the people around you, which is another thing I get, you have come here. I've spent a lot of time reading through posts here and seeing how the people interact and they are all amazing. They care about everyone who comes on here and will give you support.

    I'm really sorry that you're hurting so badly.
  10. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    Hey, thanks. I'm sorry that you may be feeling that way too.

    I haven't interacted too much on here yet, but I will say that it seems like a decent place to vent as well as reading up on things where you fear you may be alone on or even recognize some things that can somewhat help to explain why one is the way that they are. I can be a hypochondriac based on my past when it comes to illnesses and diseases, so I try to lay low on self diagnosing myself since it's led me with some panic attacks and a few trips to the ER (before I was able to notice the pattern of these panic attacks). Now it's the fact that I'm letting all of this control me when it's not even needed to begin with.
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