being undermined when I'm trying so hard

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by kittyD, Jun 1, 2008.

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  1. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    I'm so frustrated. I've been feeling better myself over the last two weeks, not sleeping 20 hours a day, and starting to clean up my house and life, a bit at a time.
    I had to to be able to help my daughter as well as myself.

    But her dad is going on about setting examples and not being good model for her. Never mind that I've worked for 30 years until 2 years ago when I lost my home, my job, had a heart attack and lost my mother, I'm supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and not let things 'bother' me. Right and maybe I should drown my sorrows too, thats acceptable cause he does it.

    And my best friend, whos staying with us for a couple of weeks, keeps saying how nothings going to change, I won't discipline her, etc. Last night I was really upset that she wasn't home at 130 and hour and a half after her curfew, and I had a freak out internally about it, and I came downstairs and woke him. I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want him to fix it, I just wanted to let out some stress from crying. I understand that hes going thru a horrendous breakup, hasn't seen his kids for a month, lost his apt etc , has a very ill parent whom hes not calling about but I was shocked when he said that he couldn't handle my problems too. He's been in this breakup for almost a year, and when my mom died it only took him about 15 min to get back to his problems. So this has made me put some distance between us and eventually I will tell him how insensitive he was and how it made me feel considering the past we have. I almost told him that he'd be better off in a motel but I know precipitating an argument between two stressed people just leads to unforgivable things being said.
    I know theres a time when I need to be 'tough loved' but when I'm trying so hard and getting out of it....grrrr.:mad:
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    carry on trying kitty, you are doing really well and don't allow other people to drag you back down.
    its a hard long road but its worth the effort, just keep on doing what you have been doing and ignore as much as you can the jibes.

    i'm so proud of you :hug:

    as for your friend, well i don't think it will work with him being there hun, maybe that needs to be closed, tell him that you still want to be friends but its best if he finds somewhere else to stay.

    stay safe
  3. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Wow... you are very strong. I personally wish I could be that strong too when facing my problems. Here's a thought that helps me going a little, if it might help you. No matter how hard everything will be, there's a big reward in the very end for all your hard work. I don't mean money or any of that, but a personal reward that you know for managing through a difficult time. It can take years and years for that reward to happen, but surely it will come to you.

    Soooo sorry, that sounded very cheesy, but that thought is like a 'band-aid' to my heart. :biggrin::biggrin:
  4. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. I have settled down in my reactions to others ; I tend to forget that I can choose how I react, they don't have the control over that.
    My ex and I growled on the phone at each other for a few days, a la--Today I wish my ex was in Texas--post.
    Without being confrontational I just made it clear to my friend that the subject of my daughter is off limit for now, and have stayed steadfast to that, stopping any comments right away. We have lived in the same home before, when his breakup first happened, so I know I can handle it.
    I just have to remember my own boundaries and my REACTIONS. Thats my biggest problem, I'm just like a freaking light switch to some people. But at least I'm aware....
  5. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Xenos---karma, destiny and such? Big believer in it all, and one of the main reasons I'm still here is that I don't want to 'pay back' extra lives by leaving this one by my own hand....
  6. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Yeah i believe too. That's one thing we have in common :biggrin:
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