Being Used

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by itmahanh, Oct 18, 2009.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    How do I stop being used? I think with my heart when I should be thinking with my head. I hear other peoples pain and immediately reach out to help. But others see the things I dont. The red flags are there for them. How the Hell do I learn to see them too? I'm tired of being an idiot that fulfills some inconsiderate soul's source of humor. I'm so tired of thinking I'm doing something good when all I'm doing is making an ass of myself for the rest of the world to see!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I want to help, be there for others like I needed someone there for me once, want to try and be one of the "good guys" does that doom me forever? Please someone tell me cuz the dents in the walls are getting too many to fix. :wallbash:
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I started to get past doing the same thing when I sorted type of help into two categories.

    1. Something a person should be doing for their self. I give encouragement and information.

    2. An emergency such as medicine for a child. I will help if I can, and if I do, I go pay for it.

    I rarely give money to people, not even my kids. I've seen my kids get themselves into situations and I have to grit my teeth to hold back while they face the consequence. If I do help with a bill, I pay it directly.

    I wouldn't let them go hungry, but I have bought them rice steamers and rice and frozen vegetables and fresh butter and whole milk. They can survive on that and I don't go broke. My kids like other kinds of foods so they don't come to me unless they are really strapped.

    It took time and practice but it sure made a difference in my stress level.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are so caring it is a fault i have sometimes as well. The people that use you are the ones that need help because they are taking advantage of your kindness your open heart. I have to learn to say NO very hard to do and i think maybe if you can use it a bit more people will stop abusing your kindness so much. NO NO NO NO NO i will not be used to day. take care I know everyone here appreciates your kindness and your knowledge.
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    I was humming and hahhing about what to say, and I'm glad Violet posted that - because that's what I would have wanted to say :smile:

    Only can't help wondering if you wanted to tell some more about what's been happening?
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