Believe In It Now?

I've had severe depression for 5 years now and I'm 16 so thats kinda screwed up my teenage years, you know? The doctor wont give me meds cos it's a "last resort" thing though I've attempted suicide 3 times and I cut almost every night.

The worst thing I think is the lack of support, you know? My parents don't believe in depression, they think I'm just being self-centred and am having a bad day, and my friends avoid me now like they're scared I'll go psycho on them or something.

I hate this.

The other day my father saw the cuts and demanded to know what they were, and I just shoved my arm up so he could see all my scars and scabs properly and yelled right in his face "you believe in depression now?"

He won't talk to me. My Mum won't either. They act like nothing's wrong. My older brother has no idea. My friends hate me. The only people I know who are on my side in all of this shit are asking me to join their suicide pact. I'm so tempted as well.

I can't do this anymore. Does anyone else here feel like nobody cares and nobody wants to listen?

 

Aw darling, that sounds like things must be really hard for you right now.

I can relate to a lot of what you say, but also note that by posting I am showing that I care, and I am reaching out and I want to help if I can, in anyway.

Let's start at the beginning. Well done for seeing the doctor, and stuff. Has he referred you for therapy? If he is not willing to try meds, then hopefully he is doing something else to help you? If not, then I suggest you go back and ask for some therapy. That would help you get some support that you desperately need, and also help you work through the issues that are causing you so much pain.

Also, are you in education? If you are, you can get therapy via there too, and the teachers/tutors can help and support you too. Is there a teacher there that you trust? That you feel able to talk to? If there is, then could you talk to him/her, or write a letter explaining how bad you feel and how bad things are? It would be worth a shot.

With regards to your parents, they are acting the way they are because they are clearly very ignorant. Could you try and maybe educate them about depression? Put it into google, and then see what you could find and print off, and show them. Also, a teacher could talk to them too, or try taking a parent to your next doctors appointment as the doctor will be able to fully explain about it.

Could you also try educating your friends in the same way? They are probably scared and worried about whether or not they can help/make things worse, etc. Maybe you could write letters to them explaining stuff, and ask for them to respond in some way. Hopefully that would get the lines of communcation open again, which should help.

If you want to talk honey, then you can feel free to PM me. I care. I went through years dealing with this pain alone, and I know how much it hurts, but remember that on SF you are not alone, there is always someone about.

Take care and keep fighting :hug: