Bellwether

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Oct 18, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    It’s just one of those days
    I wish I had never come here
    I wish I’d never become this
    I wish I could destroy myself
    Without destroying my life.
    Mostly I just want a rest
    To turn off my mind
    To dislocate my heart
    To turn down the world
    A little space in which to catch my breath
    Before I plunge back in.

    I don’t want to swallow this handful of pills
    The pieces of round control
    That bind me to this version of myself
    And the beeping of my wristwatch.
    I don’t want to be tied
    To this panoptic discipline anymore.
    I pull my sleeves down
    Set a reminding alarm
    And become my own keeper.
    But I keep on with the routine
    Just in case
    The magic finally happens
    And a prescription finally teaches me how to live.

    I drown baby yellow
    And true blue
    In caffeine
    And wait, trying to shake myself awake
    So I can go on doing all the things
    I know I must do.
    I pick a book up out of the disorganization
    Flip to the piece the syllabus points me to
    “The Soteriology of the Underprivileged”
    I don’t know what it means
    And I don’t think I care.
    My eyes glaze.
    The proletariat will have to wait.

    Not that it matters anyway
    Academic gobbledygook
    That I don’t have the deftness of mind to comprehend.
    It has finally come clear to me
    I am a watcher not a doer.
    I will never develop theories which will save the masses
    Or cause men to start a war.
    I am many things
    But I will never be a bellwether.
    I stuck my hand in that pot once
    And I am well and thoroughly done.

    While unlikely to follow the flock off a cliff
    I am more than likely to wander off from the group
    And get eaten by a wolf.
    My, my grandma, what big teeth you have.

    I liked my illusions
    And to paraphrase Joni Mitchell
    I didn’t know what I had till it was gone.
    Ain’t it always the way?
    They’re not illusions if you know that they’re there.
    But they kept me good company anyway.
    There is no such thing as 'a disillusion.'
    Moments of disillusionment, yes,
    But they just leave a trail
    They don’t stick around.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2006
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I like this one very very much!!:smile: :smile: :smile:

    love,

    least
     
  3. "It’s just one of those days
    I wish I had never come here
    I wish I’d never become this
    I wish I could destroy myself
    Without destroying my life.
    Mostly I just want a rest
    To turn off my mind
    To dislocate my heart
    To turn down the world
    A little space in which to catch my breath
    Before I plunge back in."

    * * *
    Oh for that little piece, of peace of mind *sigh*

    * * *
    "I am a watcher not a doer."

    And Oh, the things we see...

    * * *

    What a powerful dialogue, Beloved...


    FAL1
    (I'm not much of an academia nut myself...)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.