Yep, I fear where this is heading too, I'm rapidly heading to the beyond stage. After somehow finding the Hospital half tanked on high % xxxx, spend the best 10 days of my life in a low dep unit early Jan this year. Came out, some old some old, but it was all good, actually doing better, had little goals, but yep, past 2-3 months been hitting the vice, thinking ugly, bored, withdrawn, every aspect in life is dead ended, well basically, I never followed through anything in this ugly, shameful existence, that's why I'm still here, properly, no I will f**k up my ending. Was in deep thought to rip it or put my head through the monitor. Just popped me xxx gets me sleepy, hoping to nap till 2pm then somehow go to work, that's so painful getting up, then it all cycles up, ugly ugly and painful.