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Besieged by suicidal thoughts...

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#1
I really don't want to live any longer. I'm a 15 year old British male in a relatively sound physical state, and, historically, a relatively sober mental state.

I feel lonely and depressed pretty much all of the time; I don't have any friends whatsoever - people have said, and say that they're my friends, but I'm pretty sure they're just trying to make fun of me. I feel really lonely all of the time. Nobody ever wants to talk to me, and all of the individuals whom I try to speak to get bored and irrate, very quickly. I just desperately wish I had some friends - I don't get what's wrong with me - I always try to be nice, respectful and patient towards others, but nobody seems to care. I always try to make new friends on facebook, but nobody wants to be bothered. I also suffer with Asperger's syndrome.

I also get bullied a lot: people make fun of the way I dress, talk, walk, sit - they push me, hit me, slap me, throw books at me and call me names - without any reason whatsoever. I often break down into tears, right in front of them, yet they still have no mercy - they just carry on.

I've been suffering with a kind of delirium - a cognitive disturbance manifesting as a result of stress/depression/physical changes, for about four months now, and it's extremely depressing to have no clarity of thought - no cognitive lucidity, especially given that I had previously possessed a genius level IQ (I scored 146 on a test in my early childhood).

I've requested help from the NHS' mental health services, but my appointment isn't until October 8th - I've been planning my suicide for the 27th of this month, and so such a delayed fixture won't suffice. I don't really care. I'm just fed up of this shit - I don't need any help, and don't really know why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm just doing it for sympathy.

<mod edit: *sparkle*: methods>
 
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#2
You say you do not want help and no one can stop you from going with your suicide plans but you still post your story here...I knwo from experience that people bully others because they like the reaction they get from the one they are abusing. You say you cry when people bully you, that is exactly what they want from you. If you stand up for yourself they will eventually give up when they don't get the reaction they desire. You are only 15 years old, love and you need to realize you have so much to do in your life before you leave this world. You have so many other lives to affect and so many experiences to learn from. I am 28 years old and I was bullied throughout my school years. I knew the world was not always the way it was in school so I suffered through it and i am very glad I did. If you need to chat more please reply to this message and I will do my best to listen.
 

letmego3

Well-Known Member
#3
don't let other people make you feel like shit. i know its hard but try to ignore them that are bothering you. they are not happy themselves so they are taking their frustration out on you to make themselves feel better. they want to step over someone they feel is inferior to them, making them feel superior. i've met alot of people like these, they are pathetic. 15 is young and you might, and probably will feel much better in a few years time when you get older. once you know there are much better people out there in the world than the ones you have met so far. the important thing to remember is that it does not matter what other people think of you, your not living your life for them but for yourself. if you feel you can't wait until october there are services like the samaritans which you can call or email. keep posting people are very friendly, understanding and don't judge here.
 
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#5
Thank you all for your comments - it's pleasing to see people concerned about my wellbeing, but I'm pretty sure I'll be going ahead with my suicide, anyway. It's a conscientious decision I've made, and I won't be going back on it, it doesn't seem.

Well, if anybody among you would like to talk to be, then you're welcome to do so - just drop a PM - I'd be glad to talk to anybody.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#6
You need to talk to councilors at your school talk to your doctor get something to help you stay strong. These bullies will move on and so will y ou hun to a better space a new life away from them You hold on okay get your parents to change your school if need be so you do not have to face these idiots anymore hugs
 
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