Best friend, Boyfriend and myself in crisis...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ThePhantomLady, Feb 7, 2016.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I have been doing badly for a while now... stress... and last night I had a spectacular breakdown about all the sexual abuse I suffered through my life... I kept remembering more and more... I ended up huddled on the bathroom floor just crying in the end... by some miracle I managed to not self harm...



    When I finally crawled to bed in the early morning and hoped to get some sleep (even if I was pretty sure I had nightmares) my LDR boyfriend sent me an email... He doesn't know I broke down and I'll probably hide it for a while again...

    He had a bad breakdown himself. He woke up in the middle of the night and panicked really bad (he has PTSD) And from the very erratic email it sounds like it was truly bad. I am so worried.
    He had managed to contact his parents and his brother also came to help him apparently. That was a relief... I hate knowing he's alone when he wakes from his nightmares.

    If he's well enough he'll be at work in the morning and we can chat while he's there... and I can find out what happened.
    I am worried it stressed him too much when I opened up to him last week about my mum beating me...
    I feel so guilty.



    And tonight my best friend has contacted me too... I'm one of the few people she can confide in and trusts with stuff... and I want to be there.

    Tonight she learned the boyfriend she has had for 18 months and recently moved in with has paid two prostitutes for sex a year before they met. She's in such a shock and she feels it is so gross.
    I agree with her, it does change how I see him a bit. I always felt the men who have to buy sex a bit disgusting... and well... I've been on the 'receiving end' of that kind of men... my ex forced me into prostitution... and my best friend has no clue.

    Turns out she's more concerned that it's gross, rather than what I thought the problem was... and she's said some unkind words about prostitutes. I am putting it down to the shock she's having...
    I thought the problem was what a twisted view of women he must have to pay two women to fulfill his needs...


    I just... I don't know what to say... I've advised her to take her time to feel, really feel if she can live with that knowledge... and she's coming here tomorrow, that was always the plan as we're going to the cinema... I asked her if she may need some time away from him to truly settle her feelings... as she's really upset right now. I also offered her to come tonight... (though selfishly I really, really need the sleep... and tomorrow I need to be there for the boyfriend too) but she can't as she lives far away and has a meeting with someone there in the morning...


    Am I doing the right thing?


    Honestly... if my boyfriend confessed that to me I couldn't continue... but I come from a different place on the subject... and my boyfriend knows it's something I had to do... and he knows it hurt me. So, I'd hope he told me if he ever did...



    Just... GAH. Why does it all have to happen at once???
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You need to be strong for yourself and your friend. You boyfriend has support and his family to help. You have to deal with each situation differently. I know you emotionally drained with all these situation but be strong for yourself. Yes, it's hard to ignore the long-term friend but be kinder to yourself. It's not being selfish but merely looking out for yourself. Be brave and most important be safe.
     
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    My friend has lots of friends, but I'm the one she really trusts with stuff...
    Same with my boyfriend... he has hidden his issues for years, until I came along and caught the signs (because I have untreated PTSD myself)... I made him go into therapy and open up to his brother after 15 years...

    So... there's not many other places either of them can go... while once again I've got nowhere to go. My friend knows I sometimes struggle with stuff... but she doesn't know any details. I trust her, but with her mental illness she couldn't handle it I fear.
    And now I worry I set off my boyfriend's panic attack... stress can induce those attacks... so I can't tell him either...

    Sometimes it's so damn lonesome being me...
     
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