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Best friend/ cousin

LostInDreamland

Well-Known Member
#1
Sorry this is a bit jumbled, hope this makes sense.

So my cousin is the same age as me and we grew up almost like sisters. We've had times when we talked less and times when we talked more. In the past 2 years we have been living in the same city so we are able to see each other more often. My cousin was living with our aunt (not her mom) to save on expenses for about a year maybe less. But this past summer she and our aunt had a huge blow up (not sure on the details) so she ended up moving rather suddenly and stopped talking to our aunt completely (as far as I know). She has been acting differently since and gradually not talking to me or responding to texts. I know she has been really busy (working 3 jobs and retaking some classes to raise her GPA for grad school) so it is understandable that she is busy and wouldn't respond right away but it seems like she avoiding me. I'm not sure though and I could just be projecting my own insecurities. Now I am texting her less (we used to talk almost every week now I am sending her a text once a month-ish to see if she will respond) and am considering not texting her until she texts me but I want to support her if she needs it and I also don't want to loose one of my only friends. I am not really good at relationship stuff so I don't have many friends (usually just feel like I'm bothering people when I talk to people). If she let me know she needed space then that would be fine because at least I would know where I stand but her just not responding could be cause by several things. If she is only busy but doesn't mind getting texts great, but if she is depressed and withdrawing because of that then I should push a little to let her know she can talk to me, or if she really doesn't want to be around me because of something I did or said (or didn't do or say) then I would back off until she wanted me back in her life if she ever does. I just don't know what to do
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#2
Hi, sure sounds to me like a stressful situation. On the one hand, how wonderful would it be to have a relationship/connection with someone like that for your whole life? And to now, all of a sudden--or so it seems (things maybe are not so kosher?)... to me, I believe that you do deserve some sort of response, or answer from her, especially given the nature and history of your closeness together over the years. You seem to have it pretty well fleshed out, in terms of the analysis, and such. And really, only she can provide the "gaps," that may or may not need filling in. Have you missed something? Is it nothing? Etc. ...(now the only thing that was crossing my mind on the inititial read--& please forgive me if I've missed something; is whether or not you and this Aunt she may have fell-out with, have a particularly close, or tight relationship)? So, in other words, could the distance be something to do with, or be in any way, possibly related to that? (She thinks you're on "Her," side?). . . As you said, she's pretty strapped for time: Yes, I do see & agree. However, if you've been sending her one communication per month, via text & such--& still receiving no (as in absolute zero) response, or reply back from her. Then that is concering, unless she is just somehow taking you for granted (could be?). Still seems/sounds odd to me ~ but sometimes subtle nuances can exist, that have different definitions within the contexts of even the closest & longest of friend/relationships. Maybe she feels she's outgrown you somehow, you've changed. . . Who knows? Really! And honestly, this is where you need a little feedback from her. As you allude to: if she's got a problem, or issue with you, then at least you'll know, and either can or cannot (& maybe just cannot do so now, or at this time, as opposed to in the future, or at a later date...) do anything about it (in terms of making a change). Hard to know how to modify anything in our behavior if we're not made aware by the other party (we're not mind readers, after all~).

What I would do, and this is where you'll have to decide what mode of communication is best (I'd think something like email / but I am a fossil..;))--
I would find a way, or means of communicating this to her. How you are interested in knowing if there is something wrong with or between the two of you. Is there something you have done, to disappoint, offend/or upset her? Have you hurt her, her feelings in any way, etc. Lay it out as honestly as you can, explaining where things stand from your side of the equation. Then let her have the opportunity to respond. I might call in this situation, or see if I can see her face to face, but if it doesn't sound like that is possible, given the nature & volume of what you've got to say. Some form of longer than text message/chat style heart-to-heart, or head-to-head (mind to mind) may work best? Though you know the two of you, and furthermore, what you'd feel both most comfotable in sending this form of message to her with, and vice versa, how best it is to be received by her. I do wish the best for you in seeing what it is that is causing this? She didn't change her number? Block you by mistake? Some kind of technicality, or technical-glitch? Really incredibly baffling & mindboggling for sure, and I'm sorry you're having to go through it right now. As you said, always possible she's just consumed with other things, and if there are other more serious health concerns underlying such as mental illness. Then that interjects a whole 'nother problem/issue/thing (topic of discussion / element) into the mix: which could, as you say -- completely change things, in terms of your outlook on it (the situation). She may not want to bother or trouble you, and is thus pushing you away, and 'isolating.' There isn't someone else you can check with, I suppose, or guess?? . . . : )

Let us know how it goes, if you'd like! We'd love to know how it all turns out... best regards.
 
Last edited:

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#4
. . . Maybe you could talk to the Aunt (or is that out of the question... to try & get some inside information - unless you think that would make her freak?)
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#5
You could also send her a "handwritten" note, or letter? Might not be the quickest way, of course, but it does send a message straight from the heart! :) And I know, this is now starting to enter "Pony Express," territory. . ;)
 

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