best friend even thinks i'm a fk up.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by weezerfan084, Oct 8, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. weezerfan084

    weezerfan084 Member

    there's only one person that I feel like I can talk to,...but everytime I do, she just puts down what i'm feeling. I don't know what to do b/c she is the only friend that I have. 70% of the time she makes me feel like shit when I do talk to her about how I feel,...but the other 30% is so good that I want to stay alive just for her. I really don't even know if she cares if I live or die, I know that there is no one else who would even know if I died. She's supposed to be my best friend but she has even told me that my whole life is just one big fk up. I don't know how to handle that. It would be easy to say find another friend,...but I really can't. I have social anxiety and I can't even muster up the courage to say hello to someone I don't know. The thing that bothers me the most though is that i feel like I am bringing her down and decreasing her quality of life b/c she deals with someone like me almost every day. I'm torn on what to do about it. I really care about her. In fact I love her (i'm 26 so i'm pretty sure I know what love is.) I just can't even figure out if she would care if I died. She constantly tells me that I am looking for attention in any way that I can get it...but she just doesn't understand that I don't care about what happens to me. All I care about is her. I know that isn't healthy or normal to not care about oneself, but my whole life has always been about doing for someone else and I really don't even know how to care about myself. The only way I know to show that I care at all is to stay alive just so that she doesn't have to go through losing another friend. but I don't think that I can do it much more for her. Anything that anyone could give some advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Im not trying to be cruel but..... she isnt a friend. A professional would be nicer to your feelings and you than she is. How can a friend knowingly add to another persons depression and low self esteem.

    I seriously think you would be able to move forward a little easier if she wasnt there to confirm the dark thoughts and belittling feelings that you have. If you need someone to vent to, talk to you have that here. And what you are feeling is understood by so many others here. We know the pain and confusion and how desperate it all can make a person feel. Please keep posting and let those that can, try to help and support you through the darkness.

    I think, if she is truly a friend, you need to tell her exactly how her negative and unaccepting thoughts about you and your pain makes you feel. She needs to hear it cuz she obviously doesnt see it at all.

    I'm sorry this is not what you wanted to hear. But give it a little thought ok? Give SF a try. Think you'll even make a friend or two :arms:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yeh time to find a new friend who is a true friend okay. No need to put up with what she does to you. there are so many here that will listen and care and give support with no judgement at all.
  4. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    I too thought I had a best friend then one day she told me she just couldnt cope with me and my intention to kill myself and after 10 years that was it.No more contact I was gutted and felt like I d had a death in my family.. I did however keep going and although I dont have another best friend I accept friendship from people and now am more comfortable spending time by myself..It has to be better tham hearing someone berate you on an almost daily basis.
    Could you try life without this friend maybe on this site or another you might meet someone you can chat with and eventually talk to even if it is on the phone or internet.It will be tough of that Im sure but it may help you in the longer term
  5. down-and-maybeout

    down-and-maybeout Well-Known Member

    it sounds to me like the person you are describing is what i would call a "mate", not a "friend" - a mate being someone you hang around with sometimes, do stuff, whereas a friend is someone you hang around with, do stuff AND can tell your personal thoughts to

    i thought i had a close friend in this girl i had known since we were about 7 years old, but once depression started to be a major problem for me she simply decided she didn't want to be around me any more - i feel your pain
  6. Jonathan29

    Jonathan29 Member

    Your friend sounds just like my girlfriend shes always saying things like "your not going to ruin my life " to me and really doent give a damm about how i feel if i say ive have enough and am going to kill myself her response is always "go on then", i dont have the confidence or self esteem to move on and have no family, but hey what can i do.
  7. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    I think I understand a bit of what you're going through.. You feel like a lot of the times are shit, but when there's good times they're really good and worth putting up with the bad. But this person really sounds bad for you. There may be a chance she cares about you, there has to be a reason she stays, and puts up with these issues she SAYS you have. I hope that doesn't sound rude, I'm sure you don't have problems like she says.

    But she just sounds really bad. I think it would be best if you were able to get away from her.. No matter how hard it may be. I think if you try and work to it, you can conquer your social anxiety, I mean, you had enough courage to post here, right? That says something I think. You really have to work on being independent. It may be hard, but I know you can do it. If you keep focusing on her, you'll probably get sad or upset when she is, and that may be frustrating for her sometimes. You should be happy and try to cheer her up, you know?

    Really though, try your best to end this with her.. You owe it to yourself to do things for you, and work on bettering your life before hers, even if you do care about her and want her happy. You surely can find new friends in time, who will treat you like you should be treated. I hope that helped..
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.