there's only one person that I feel like I can talk to,...but everytime I do, she just puts down what i'm feeling. I don't know what to do b/c she is the only friend that I have. 70% of the time she makes me feel like shit when I do talk to her about how I feel,...but the other 30% is so good that I want to stay alive just for her. I really don't even know if she cares if I live or die, I know that there is no one else who would even know if I died. She's supposed to be my best friend but she has even told me that my whole life is just one big fk up. I don't know how to handle that. It would be easy to say find another friend,...but I really can't. I have social anxiety and I can't even muster up the courage to say hello to someone I don't know. The thing that bothers me the most though is that i feel like I am bringing her down and decreasing her quality of life b/c she deals with someone like me almost every day. I'm torn on what to do about it. I really care about her. In fact I love her (i'm 26 so i'm pretty sure I know what love is.) I just can't even figure out if she would care if I died. She constantly tells me that I am looking for attention in any way that I can get it...but she just doesn't understand that I don't care about what happens to me. All I care about is her. I know that isn't healthy or normal to not care about oneself, but my whole life has always been about doing for someone else and I really don't even know how to care about myself. The only way I know to show that I care at all is to stay alive just so that she doesn't have to go through losing another friend. but I don't think that I can do it much more for her. Anything that anyone could give some advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.