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Best friend jealous of my other friends?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Asmoday, Aug 20, 2008.

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  1. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    I don't know if this is the right section of the forum to post since I'm looking for other people's thoughts rather than emotional support but here we go. I'm a 26 years old male. My best friend seems to be jealous because of my other friends. Is this possible? I mean may he be thinking that I may love my other friends more or something like that? He seems offended too easily by my words or actions when another friend of mine is present, he also doesnt like my other friends. He is very nice when we're alone and he's also nice to strangers outside generally. I don't have many friends and they are nice towards him. If being jealous of someone's other friends is possible, what should I do? Should I talk to him about it? What should I say?
  2. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    Aside from you how many friends does he have? My complete guess is that he has few friends and maybe just you. Maybe something is going on in his life and he just needs more contact from his friend(you)? You might ask.

    If he's included in activities with your other friends and he's not making an attempt to become friends with them, I'm not sure what you can do. Keep inviting him hoping he'll make friends, spend more time alone with him or encourage him to try out activities where he might make more friends for himself. This all assumes that he has few friends.
  3. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    LoL I felt stupid after reading your post odnox because I'm thinking to myself how I couldn't see that. What you said is true. He doesn't have any other close friends right now except me and his brother and he's not trying to be friends with my other friends. That's strange because my other friends are chess players and he's a chess player too. But he has low self esteem. He thinks that since he's not good at chess, they must have a low opinion on him. I actually love him more than others but I don't know how to show that. By the way if it was not for chess, I would not have any friends either but I'm the type of person who generally prefers being alone while he does not like being alone at all. And yes there's a lot going in his life. He had a surgery a year ago which went very well but psychologically still affects him, he gained a lot of weight(I like his new chubby look a lot but he doesnt like it), his general life isnt going well and he used some depression drugs. In the passed I was depressed too but with the help of different thinking and lots of time I could get away from it. There's not much I can do but at least now I feel more empathy for him so instead of getting frustrated I can support him more. Thanks for your reply.
  4. blinky

    blinky Active Member

    he sounds just like me, i'm afraid to admit. but i'm like that. i have low self esteem and i had only the one friend, and he had several of course cuz he's normal. it's not jealousy, or maybe it is a little bit, i wanted more friends too. i never feel good enough for anything.

    i think your friend might be feeling left out. it's not good for him though. i know for me the best thing would have been to make more friends, or at the very least make better "me time". it ended up i was relying on him for everything, but thats too big a burden on anyone and i admit that to myself but i cant help myself. i'm selfish and want him all the time. i dont think you can do anything about this, i think he has to figure things out on his own. and i'm sure if he's anything like me that he knows he's being irrational, but he cant help himself. maybe what you can do to help though is give him a certain amount of your time, let him know that this time is for us to hang out, then we get our own time to do things we like that dont happen to involve the other person. it will be hard, i'm sure he's not easy to deal with just like i'm not

    edit: i wanted to add also that when i feel like that, i feel let down, like he disappointed me, because i'd be waiting for him. maybe your friend thought you guys might be hanging out and he ended up waiting
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2008
  5. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    No need to feel stupid.

    I read once and I've found it to be true in my life, is that when you're not feeling good about yourself you tend to believe no one else feels good about you either. If you hate yourself you think everyone else hates you too. The problem is, that's rarely true. You're just projecting your feelings. When I get down and feel like everyone else hates me, I've learned to check in with some of them and I'm always wrong. No one hates me.

    So, maybe that's what's happening with him. He doesn't feel good about his chess playing so he thinks the other's don't like him because of that. Is there something that you all share as an interest that maybe he's better at? Maybe find a way to let him "shine" a little.

    Another thing came to mind. Maybe he doesn't think he'd be able to develop deep friendships with these other guys, so why have any relationship with them. I've always been like that, but I've found that lately my simple acquaintances have been better for me. You don't always need to have just deep meaningful relationships with people. It's OK, to just have someone know your name and say "Hello" when they see you. It doesn't have to be more than that.

    Anyway, good luck!
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